why americans shouldn't travel

[Josie]

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

http://www.strangeplaces.net/weirdthings/travel.html

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.




A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"




I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.




A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."




I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."




Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."




A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!




A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.




I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."




A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."




A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."




A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

hahaha

I apologize if this has already been posted, but it's purty funny

[Negativecool]

Why's one of them highlighted?

[Josie]

I liked that one most. Can't understand timezones, but super fast 13 minute flights? L.O.L.

[NiBBler]

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

That was probably just a southern accent. Damn Yankees just need to be able to translate.

[SlimSkeeter]

That was probably just a southern accent. Damn Yankees just need to be able to translate.

If you wouldn't destroy the language, there would be no need for translation.

[NiBBler]

If you wouldn't destroy the language, there would be no need for translation.

You? What makes you think I talk like that?

[SlimSkeeter]

You? What makes you think I talk like that?

It was a second person plural, not second person singular.

[D-Day]

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

Off topic; But when I read this, I thought of the Twilght Zone episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet". You know the one where William Shatner sees a creature on the wing of a plane. Don't know why?

Anyway...funny as hell Josie, great find...
I like the one about being able to see England from Canada.

[SittinGrumpy]

I love this list...my favorite one is...


A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

[Josie]

Off topic; But when I read this, I thought of the Twilght Zone episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet". You know the one where William Shatner sees a creature on the wing of a plane. Don't know why?

He saw...?



haha, I love the little mini-spock eyebrows.

[CrAnIuM]

It was a second person plural, not second person singular.

Haha @ you trying to differentiate between singular and plural to a person from hillbilly central !!

[Josie]

plural still includes her, being that you didn't specifically take her out of the Southern bunch, so...

Stick with Josie Brand! 'general you'






















I totally wanna jump out and do an ovaltine commercial.

[KommieKat]

True story:

My Aussie friend met up with a Texan in a bar, maybe he was military.
They got to talking. Texan says, " You speak good English. Where did you learn it?"

What a total stupid dumb fuck.

Half the time, I just tell people I'm Canadian because of the shame.

If the American tourist isn't stupid, IT will be loud, obnoxious AND stupid.

"I come from the greatest country in the world, durdy durdy durdy. We invented the cappuccino machine, durdy durdy durdy......didn't we??"

[jeepneasy]

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

http://www.strangeplaces.net/weirdthings/travel.html




A woman called and asked, \"Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?\" I said, \"No, why do you ask?\" She replied, \"Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?\" After putting her on hold for a minute while I \"looked into it\" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I remember a story (local) how Fresno CA had spent a couple of million trying to get the FAA to change the airport code to FYI (Fresno Yosemite International) because they felt the designation FAT (Fresno air terminal) gave the wrong image and was the butt of two many jokes. the FAA said no and Fresno wasted there time and money...only in CA

[SlimSkeeter]

plural still includes her, being that you didn't specifically take her out of the Southern bunch, so...

Stick with Josie Brand! 'general you'

I didn't intend to take her out of the grouping. Just saying that I wasn't specifically talking about her and that she needs to stop being so self centered as to think that I was laying the speech impediments of an entire block of the country on her.


*Absolutely genuine smile* Moar Ovaltine Please!

[SlimSkeeter]

Haha @ you trying to differentiate between singular and plural to a person from hillbilly central !!

Aren't you damn near her neighbor?

[Cúchulainn]

True story:

My Aussie friend met up with a Texan in a bar, maybe he was military.
They got to talking. Texan says, " You speak good English. Where did you learn it?"

What a total stupid dumb fuck.

Half the time, I just tell people I'm Canadian because of the shame.

If the American tourist isn't stupid, IT will be loud, obnoxious AND stupid.

"I come from the greatest country in the world, durdy durdy durdy. We invented the cappuccino machine, durdy durdy durdy......didn't we??"

I've said it once, I'll say it again - renounce your American citizenship.

[SittinGrumpy]

Aren't you damn near her neighbor?

He is...but he isn't FROM here.

[D-Day]

He saw...?



haha, I love the little mini-spock eyebrows.

But he does see...or at least, thinks he sees something on the wing.

[NiBBler]

You? What makes you think I talk like that?

This is what I said. A simple question because you used "you" specifically and you have no idea how I talk or don't talk. You have never spoken to me

...that she needs to stop being so self centered

You are presuming again. You do not know me. If you did, you would know that this is the absolute one thing that could NEVER be said while describing me.

Chill.. I really could care less about what anyone thinks or does not think about the southern accent. The "damn Yankee" thing was said playfully and in jest, the north did not need a champion, they already won the war.

[Josie]

Pa Pow!

[SlimSkeeter]

This is what I said. A simple question because you used "you" specifically and you have no idea how I talk or don't talk. You have never spoken to me

You are presuming again. You do not know me. If you did, you would know that this is the absolute one thing that could NEVER be said while describing me.

Chill.. I really could care less about what anyone thinks or does not think about the southern accent. The "damn Yankee" thing was said playfully and in jest, the north did not need a champion, they already won the war.

Fer fucks sake....I quit.

[KommieKat]

You are presuming again. You do not know me. If you did, you would know that this is the absolute one thing that could NEVER be said while describing me.

I KNOW you! And I know that you want what every woman wants....

8" x 3" of PURE HELL! Or was it PURE PLEASURE!?

[sew watt]

True story:

My Aussie friend met up with a Texan in a bar, maybe he was military.
They got to talking. Texan says, " You speak good English. Where did you learn it?"

My Aunt lived in the USA for years. She was often asked "Do they speak English in Australia?".

She used to reply "Yes, would you like me to teach you?"

[D-Day]

My Aunt lived in the USA for years. She was often asked "Do they speak English in Australia?".

She used to reply "Yes, would you like me to teach you?"

There is a HUGE difference between English, and American English.