http://swollencranium.com/forums/blog.php Be coherent or be silent. en Sun, 20 May 2012 07:12:27 GMT vBulletin 60 http://swollencranium.com/forums/images/styles/SimpleIdea/misc/rss.jpg http://swollencranium.com/forums/blog.php http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/188-The-Change-Up Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:15:57 GMT The Change-Up Director: David Dobkin Writers: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore Stars: Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds and Olivia Wilde Dave is a married... The Change-Up

Director: David Dobkin
Writers: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore
Stars: Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds and Olivia Wilde

Dave is a married man with two kids and a loving wife , and Mitch is a single man who is at the prime of his sexual life. One fateful night while Mitch and Dave are peeing in a fountain when lightning strikes and they switch bodies.

Review

Sick of your overly cutesy family orientated body-switch movie?! Well this one is definitely for you. Humor from electrocuted vajayjays to Lorno (like a porno) to a happily ever after ending.
I loved this movie! I've seen it three times now. It's chock full of hilarity that made me pee my pants! it's identifiable in it's characters and plot, it's morally offensive in parts which most members here would agree with! Aand very quote-able!

Like these:

Dave: Having children, is, it's like living with little mini drug addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute, and then they're crying the next, and then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and they burn through your money and they break shit.

_______

Dave: So I can't sleep with my wife, I can't sleep with other women. What the hell is that?
Mitch: Marriage.

_______

Mitch: Before making any decision in your life, no matter how small, call your wife first. Think of yourself as a brain-damaged mule, lost in a desert, helpless, dumb, and in constant need of direction. Never take the initiative, never strike out on your own, and never deviate from the plan. Why? Because you're a brain-damaged mule and you're lost in the damn desert!


Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHnyW5Fvtvw ]]> Bunnee http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/188-The-Change-Up http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/187-The-Hunger-Games Wed, 18 Apr 2012 08:53:38 GMT The Hunger Games Director: Gary Ross Writers: Gary Ross, Suzanne Collins, Billy Ray Set in a future where the Capitol selects a boy and girl... The Hunger Games

Director: Gary Ross
Writers: Gary Ross, Suzanne Collins, Billy Ray

Set in a future where the Capitol selects a boy and girl from the twelve districts to fight to the death on live television, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to take her younger sister's place for the latest match.

Review

Not an entirely terrible movie. I had expected it to be a little more gruesome to be honest, seeing as this movie isn't a children's movie at all, perhaps it was me just wanting more brutality from the actors. The lead actress (Katniss) runs in the forest and cries a lot. Rather slow in places and not worth all the hype, however I will give it a rating of 3 stars.

***/*****

Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNxb28j5C1w ]]> Bunnee http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/187-The-Hunger-Games http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/186-Slave Wed, 18 Apr 2012 08:41:42 GMT Slave

Director: Darryn Welch
Writer: Brett Goldstein

Stars: No-one important

When David's fiance', Georgie is kidnapped on a vacation in Spain, She is forced into brutal sadomasochist submission in a world of bizarre sex and drugs.

Review

Jesus, what a piece of shit this movie is. I wasted 81 minutes of my life. Crappy actors, crappy plot, and really crappy camera work.
The lead actress does little more than grunt and moan throughout the entire movie all the while her mouth is covered in vomit..
The lead actor is better suited to a Calvin Klein underwear shoot than he is acting in this movie. Why? because he doesn't speak in a photo shoot.

Abysmal. Do not watch, unless you want to watch just for the boobs.

Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8wjaWp_BF4 ]]> Bunnee http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/186-Slave http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/185-Best-Oatmeal-Cookies-Ever Sat, 03 Dec 2011 21:13:32 GMT

Ingredients:

1.5 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup soft margarine or butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 medium eggs
2 cups quick oats
1.5 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1.5 cups mixed nuts
1.5 cups chocolate chips
2 cups dried berries

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 F (190 C).

In large bowl stir brown sugar and butter until well blended.

Stir in vanilla, cinnamon and eggs until light and fluffy.

Add oats, flour, baking soda and salt and mix until well blended.

Add chocolate chips, nuts and dried fruit.

Drop dough (tablespoonsize) on ungreased cookie sheet - about 2" apart. I just put some parchment paper on a cookie sheet to make clean up easy.

Bake ~ 9 - 11 minutes or until edges turn golden brown.

Leave on cookie sheet for a minute or two. Move to cookie rack to cool completely.

These are delicious when still slightly warm. Cookies will stay slightly soft.

Enjoy.

Note: It is up to you what mix of dried fruit, nuts and chocolate chips you use. Mix and match whatever you have in your kitchen: Raisins, dried berries, milk chocolate chips, semi sweet etc, walnuts, pecans, almonds, hazelnuts... Find your own mix or work with what you have. :) ]]> Absinthe http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/185-Best-Oatmeal-Cookies-Ever http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/184-Peaches-and-Cream-Cobbler Sat, 12 Nov 2011 19:45:51 GMT One of my favorite co-workers - Peggy - brought this in one day and was so nice to share the recipe with me. *_Ingredients for the cobbler:_* 1... One of my favorite co-workers - Peggy - brought this in one day and was so nice to share the recipe with me.

Ingredients for the cobbler:

1 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon grated lemon peel
6 cups sliced fresh peaches or nectarines

Ingredients for the crust:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
1/4 cup butter-flavored shortening
1/3 cup milk

Ingredients for the cream topping:

8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup superfine sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup milk


Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 F (190 C).

Prepare cobbler crust: combine flour, sugar and baking powder in mixing bowl. Cut in butter and shortening until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Stir in milk with fork, just until dough hold together. Set aside.

Combine 1 cup sugar, cornstarch, nutmeg, lemon peel and peaches in large saucepan and cook, stirring with wooden spoon, until mixture thickens and boils.

Pour into ungreased 8-inch square baking dish.

Drop equal sized spoonfuls of cobbler crust over peach mixture. Sprinkle remaining tablespoon sugar over dough.

Bake until golden brown, 35 to 40 minutes.

While the cobbler bakes, prepare cream topping.

Beat cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla together until smooth. Slowly blend in milk.

Serve cobbler warm with cream topping.

Enjoy!!



Tips: I use cinnamon instead of nutmeg for the cobbler mixture and added a bit of vanilla to the crust.

The cobbler has the tendency to boil over a bit. Always use a cookie sheet under the baking dish. ]]> Absinthe http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/184-Peaches-and-Cream-Cobbler http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/182-The-News-Has-Been-Cancelled Wed, 28 Sep 2011 21:57:47 GMT What have you been seeing on your favorite "news" outlets lately? The budget fight? A dead blond girl in a ravine? The 2012 GOP campaign shoutfest?

Have you seen this:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540...79119#44679119

It's mildly surprising that MSNBC finally caught up with a story that's been raging -- and ignored by the mainstream media -- for weeks now. I have a theory on it and I'll get to that in a minute.

But first, to address the actions of the "white shirts" in the NYPD.

There's an ancient rule in propaganda that when you begin to lose control of the story, you change the conversation. To my eye, that's what's being attempted here. The unprovoked actions of the police department clearly aren't random or even those of rogue actors. Here's why: watch closely and you'll see they're being done in a calculated fashion by the commanders -- not the rank and file. This is important, so please stick with me here. In military organizations, there's something known as the "need to know" (the NYPD has been fully militarized since 9-11). If you're low on the totem pole, you don't get anywhere NEAR the same access to the type of information your superiors (who hold the SAME clearance) do. There are very good operational security reasons for this. Secrets never remain secrets for long, but the half-life of a secret depends on how many people are in on it initially. If 10 people know a secret, then its half life (the probability of it being a widely disseminated or "open secret") is the square root of the same info that 5 people initially knew.

So, it stands to reason that the blue-collar police knew nothing of the plans of a select group of white shirts to incite violence.

Why would Police incite violence? Wouldn't they want law & order? Yes. Most of them -- because they're concerned with their own physical safety. But for those high enough in the command chain, they're not subject to the same danger, as they have several layers of defense to protect their own skin.

So, if you can incite violence and then get away from the scene, what's your motivation?

Here's my theory: a few days ago Occupy Wall Street story started to gain traction. And if it remained non-violent, and the entire country saw that the organizers were determined to keep their protest going come hell or high water, then what's to stop thousands more unemployed people with nothing better to do with their days from showing up in NYC?

Hmm.

But ... if it were possible to piss off just enough of the protesters to react to a little well-placed police brutality with similar violence and a riot ensued, well THAT would be an easy story to spin in favor of not only the police, but the poor "employees" of Wall Street who are just trying to get to work and support their families.

It's a credit to the organizers of this event that they have been able to keep a lid on violent retaliation long enough for the videos to go viral. And they will.

As for MSNBC? Why are they suddenly interested? Why now? Did you notice that one of the victims of police brutality was someone holding "professional" video equipment? Wonder who it was? ]]> Pud http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/182-The-News-Has-Been-Cancelled http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/181-Click-Your-Heels-and-Say-It-Three-Times-quot-There-Will-Always-Be-Oil-quot Tue, 27 Sep 2011 08:10:11 GMT Have you been wondering where the next big bubble is going to pop up? Well, The Wall Street Journal has just trotted out an old energy industry... Have you been wondering where the next big bubble is going to pop up?

Well, The Wall Street Journal has just trotted out an old energy industry whore to let us in on the secret: domestic "liquids" production. Sounds like we need to be convinced to dump all those dollars sitting on the sidelines (small investors are fleeing the stock market in droves, at the moment) into -- you guessed it: energy stocks.

You see, every time the economy takes a dump, like oh, right now -- energy companies take a disproportionately large hit for what I hope are obvious reasons. But there's a problem: all those domestic liquid "plays" in North Dakota, Oklahoma, and Texas are exceedingly expensive to develop. So, they need more capital than ever in the face of plummeting market capitalizations.

Hmmm. Gee, you don't suppose they'd roll out an old whore to tell us how wonderful life is going to be if we just give them all our money to go get the oil those nasty environmentalists have been selfishly keeping locked up all these years. Would they?

You don't suppose a geophysicist with years of experience in the oil industry including the Gulf of Mexico, the North Sea and China would have something to say about all this? As it turns out, he does.

Read it and weep. This makes me very suspicious of everything related to energy at the moment. Oh, I'm sure we'll see "investments" touted as a "sure thing" all over the air waves in the near future. Color me skeptical. ]]> Pud http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/181-Click-Your-Heels-and-Say-It-Three-Times-quot-There-Will-Always-Be-Oil-quot http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/180-The-Myth-of-The-Free-Market Mon, 26 Sep 2011 18:20:26 GMT The reason we have the term "Market Makers" is because, well, there are people who drive (make) the markets. The existence of the term disproves the notion that markets can ever be truly free.

Markets will always exist in human affairs. The Soviet Union's mass experiment/failure with grand mal collectivization pretty much proved (ironically) that Marx was, in fact, correct about the human propensity concentrate wealth in the hands of a few, until you reach a Minsky Moment and everything collapses. In short, they practiced Marxism, just not in the way the revolutionary peons may have intended.

So who controls our markets, you may ask?

Here's your answer. What's chilling about this video, is that the interviewee comes right out and admits it.

Welcome, my friends, to the official notification that all pretense of local (nation-state) governance has been dropped. As if the GOP debates as of late haven't proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I digress.

Earlier this week, I posted in the forums an exhaustive study showing that all of the world's wealth, power and resources are concentrated into a small global Keiretsu.

These are the market makers, and whether you believe the EMU crisis was "accidental" or not, it is clear that it's untenable and unfixable.

In my opinion, the insiders' arrogance puts all of us at extreme risk of events cascading out of anyone's control. To my (admittedly jaundiced) eye, it looks as though greed combined with hubris and a false sense of omnipotence at the top will cause individual actors to unthinkingly and unblinkingly act in profoundly irresponsible ways. I believe they've learned nothing from 2008. Rather, they're busy polishing their fingernails on their lapels and congratulating themselves on their "smartest guy in the room" status.

I bothered to write the blog post in hopes that its readers will remember it when Europe blows up and resist the temptation to start screaming across the false conservative/liberal/race/color/creed/nationality divides.

My hope is that we remember to look to the Market Makers when affixing blame for the shit storm we're about to experience. ]]> Pud http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/180-The-Myth-of-The-Free-Market http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/175-The-Monday-Blues Mon, 22 Aug 2011 14:18:38 GMT So, my work laptop crashed, it's dead, it's an over sized paper weight now. Which meant I had to be at work super early to do my releases and reports. OH but wait, that sounds too easy right?

So, the alarm goes off and I snooze until 7:30. I jump up and I am out the door in 8 minutes. Fucking record. No coffee, no lunch, no breakfast and no mother fucking pain pills.

I get in traffic, finally get to work at 8:10. Fifty minutes before we start business, this will give me time to get my releases done. I get here and my badge will not work. Security lets me in and lectures me because my badge is bent and that is why it will not work. He tells me to come back in 30 minutes to get a new one, that someone will have to let me in the office, he cant.

I come upstairs and no one is here to let me in, so I go back down to the security desk and he says, your badge isn't broke, your company has it set where no one can come in until 8:30.

Do you know how fucking pissed I would have been had I gotten here at 7 like I was trying to?

So, IT isn't here yet, my boss isn't here yet, I have had nothing to eat, no coffee and I am fucking hurting. OH and I cannot do my reports because the templates are on my fucking laptop... you know the OVER SIZED FUCKING PAPER WEIGHT!!!!!! ]]> SittinGrumpy http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/175-The-Monday-Blues http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/174-The-weirdest-thing-has-happened Sun, 21 Aug 2011 17:52:01 GMT Many of you know I deal with pain and depression a lot. I have not been able to shake this last bout of depression for months. I have kept to myself,... Many of you know I deal with pain and depression a lot. I have not been able to shake this last bout of depression for months. I have kept to myself, not really wanting to talk to people, my facebook post are even less these days (unless its games related).

A friend of mine I have not seen since December 2003 came into NC for a beach trip and I went down to meet her. I had a great time, we sat in the ocean talking for like two hours. We swam in the pool for about two hours, we ate dinner and I drove home.

On the way home I knew I had a sunburn but I had NO clue how bad. This was a shock to me, I have never been burnt like this, in fact, I have never been more than just slightly annoyed by my clothes after spending hours in the sun.

A little back story, for the last two years I have not been allowed to be in the sun because I have been getting treatments that do not allow you to "sun". I am still not suppose to until February 2012 but I said fuck it, I wanted to be at the beach and I wanted to see my friend.

Sunday night, I couldn't sleep, Monday I worked from home. By Monday at lunch my entire back was covered in blisters, Tuesday I was at the hospital. I had second degree burns on my back and shoulders. I was in a lot of pain physically. By Friday I was in the ER with pneumonia.

Since I had never burnt hubby and I started looking at my meds, the treatments I have been getting and we found something that shocked me. The shots I get for my spine change the pigment of your skin......this is not listed on the information you sign, in fact no one has ever told me this was a side effect of these injections. I have often noticed that I am lighter then I have ever been but never thought the meds I was putting in my body were changing the pigment of my skin....... I am turning white. *sigh* this is a different blog but know I will be talking about this later.....

So what is this strange thing that happened to me? I am happy. Mentally I have felt better than I have in years after this sun burn. How do I know that is what it is? Well, the Monday I was blistered and in pain, I mentally felt fanfuckingtastic and have ever since.

Viatman D is awesome for you and I do get in the sun as much as my treatments allow but I have not experienced a change like this from depression to not being so fucking fast... it was over night. My clan mother laughed at me because of how shocked I am about this. She says all the medicine we need the Creator gave us.

I am still in a lot of physical pain because of my back but I have not felt so good mentally in a very long time. I am looking forward to my treatments being done next year so that I can enjoy the sun again. ]]> SittinGrumpy http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/174-The-weirdest-thing-has-happened http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/171-Old-Stuff-Pt-6-Fake-Smiles-and-Puppy-Dog-Tails Wed, 15 Jun 2011 09:15:11 GMT (This was for a writing assignment a million years ago. It's still floating around with me.)


I wonder if he'll recognize me. My hair is so short... I feel like a boy. But then that's what I wanted, I wanted to hide. It's been 20 minutes, has he forgotten about me maybe? Oh, I wish I would've written down his cell phone number, because I know he'd have it with him, especially today. But then I saw him, my father, searching out the right terminal number, scan for me, almost walk past, then turn abruptly, look again, and walk up to me slowly, looking at my quizzically, "Yes, Dad. It's me, your boy of a daughter," I think. He says James is getting my bags, beckons for me to follow, and turn to walk but pauses and looks at me again, "Your hair used to be so long..." There's nothing I can say, I just nod and follow, wishing he knew. And now that I'm finally here, it's weird... it's too safe, he's too safe. I feel awkward and want to cry. I'm usually fixing something, but here there's nothing to fix, and I begin to worry about Jacob, my younger brother. Who'll take care of him? Who'll stop the fighting between my older brother Andrew and my mother? Jacob will be so scared' he won't have anyone to run to because I will be here in Texas... safe. I want to cry, not only for Jacob, but also for me... I can't leave here, nor can I stay, not anymore. But what does crying accomplish? I never heard it do anything for anybody. I always find myself wondering why I always want to cry it won't do me any good. I can't stand it, so now I'm angry at how weak I am. There are so many things I want to say, but wouldn't dare tell someone who would try to help. No, I told the girls in third grade that didn't care anyway, they said I was wrong and no one would do that. Maybe I am wrong, is this just another one of those things I need to find wrong with my life and my family? But the videos in school said that I should tell someone... no that's only for real problems. My family isn't that way, I'm spoiled. That is what Massa, my mother says. She says I'm spoiled. I think Andrew is spoiled, he doesn't say thank you and appreciates nothing. This is bringing me back to Jacob, I'm getting angry. I hope that my Dad can't tell... he seems so happy. He wants to take me to dinner tonight. He says that it'll be nice to talk to me instead of over the phone. He never tells me I'm spoiled. He always tells me he loves me, he means it. Massa says she love you when she feels bad for something she did. She doesn't mean a lot of what she says.

A look of horror streaks across my face... Jacob will stay at Dick's won't he?! No, he can't go there; he's too sweet for that. But I already know the answer, he will. She would say, "Well, you weren't here to take care of him, now were you? So I obviously couldn't have him pestering me with stupid bugs and dead squirrels on the side of the road he wanted to bury, now could I?" She would say this to me. And I knew there was nothing I could do or say. I was gone, and now I just had to let it be, but the thought haunted me every moment I had to think. If I were there, I could fix everything... except Dick; I couldn't fix that, not in a million years. But my Dad! He's so happy I'm here, and in a strange way I am too, even if I am letting Jacob down, I am happy... my Dad is happy. Sometimes I regret Massa ever getting pregnant with that child, I love him very much, but she acts as though he were mine and not hers. Sometimes I wonder if that's wrong or if I'm just imagining the trouble with my life again.

James is at the car smiling and looking at me just the same way I'm looking at him, "Oh my god, James, what did you do to your head?" He's bald. He had shaven every last drop of bleach blond, short, young hair off of his head and now it just glistened in the Texas sun. James laughs, "What, you don't like it?!" he laughs again and then smiles at me. I know he is smiling at my accent. I need to work on that, I know. "No, it's fine. It's just different." He looks at me and I don't wait for the question, "I cut it because it was bothering me." He isn't sure what I mean, but seems satisfied. We get into the Jeep, which replaced the Jetta the I liked. I don't like the color red. The Jeep is red and I hate being in it. I hate being in Massa's car. She is so dirty, and the Jeep so clean. My dad turns around and smiles a big devilish grin, he tells me I will like the house he bought, he says he bought it only a few months ago and it was cheap so it isn't the best, but he says I'll like it anyway. I ask what it looks like. He says it is small, and it needed new carpets so they re-carpeted the whole thing.. so it doesn't smell the greatest. I don't care. Anything smells better than Massa's and Dick's. I say I can't wait to see it and James smiles again at my accent. I become quiet and self-conscious, I hate how my words come out, they sounds so odd next to my father's. I don't want to go back. Finally we're there. It's huge! The yard is three times the size of a regular yard, and ... there's a pool ! It too is nicely sized. I turn to my Dad, speechless. He smiles the devilish grin again, "I really did get a good deal." He laughs. Later I would learn that the house wasn't as grand in size as I'd originally thought. Most the other houses were about the same size. It was a middle class neighborhood. I'd never lived in one. I liked it; I was going to stay no matter what.

I tell my father two weeks before my vacation's up that I intend on staying. A bit surprised and excited, he agrees and I convince Massa I am only staying for seventh grade. She says that should be okay, but she will probably have to get daycare or something for Jacob after school and that costs money. I don't care anymore. I'm safe. I hate Dick; he is the only person that I hate. His name describes him all too well. Andrew doesn't know... he couldn't keep it quiet like I can. I could be quiet a lifetime. All I could think about was how much I wanted Jacob to come down... but I already knew that wouldn't happen; it couldn't. He wasn't my Dad's child. This didn't stop my father from wanting to rescue him and Andrew alike. Andrew doesn't appreciate anything anyone does for him. He always has to 'rebel'. But all the same, my Dad didn't feel Andrew deserved all she dished out.

Something had been bothering me and I wanted to tell, but I was scared, scared of what they would say.... was it real?? I feel so stupid. I was scared of Dick. He was the United States and Canada away and I was still afraid. He couldn't get to me here. I was safe. I told my friend. She believed me even if I didn't. She ordered me to tell my father. I said I would, though I had no intention of doing so. It came up anyway.

My Dad calls me downstairs away from my perch on my bed (where I do absolutely nothing) and tells me we should talk. "Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" I ask. My accent is all but non-existent now, and I am proud. "Well I think you never told me the real reason why you wanted so adamantly to stay in Texas." I shift uneasily.. should I say? After about an hour of trying to evade the question, my father finally gets it out of me and surprisingly is calm. I am relieved, it was so simple, and he didn't even get mad.

Or so I thought... the next morning he isn't very talkative. He looks like he has been crying. It was too awkward, "So... did you sleep well last night?" I ask. Many assorted colorful words fly through my head. No! Bad question. Of course he didn't sleep well ! I feel stupid. He just looks at me, "Never mind" I say. I hug him goodbye and start my fifteen minute walk to school.

"I'm home" I say, once outside in the crisp winter air. I'm free. I won't go back.




^ 12 year old Sarah writes like a phag. I want to go and change a million things.. but I'ma leave it like it is. ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/171-Old-Stuff-Pt-6-Fake-Smiles-and-Puppy-Dog-Tails http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/170-Old-Stuff-Pt-5-Photos Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:32:05 GMT You are on top of me, kissing, moving. I lay motionless. Victim to your love. Gifts no longer have meaning, let me turn that age. Frail and... You are on top of me, kissing, moving.
I lay motionless.
Victim to your love.
Gifts no longer have meaning,
let me turn that age.

Frail and taught, but never rock.
I will not fight.
I will not care.
I was born for this.
I like it.

You give me more on these criteria.
Fucklore is all I'll ever know. ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/170-Old-Stuff-Pt-5-Photos http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/169-Old-Stuff-Pt-4-Voices Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:29:33 GMT Also my brother's stuff, same time period (~14 yo)

Throw my arms up,
fling my head back,
feel the continents fall,
fall below the sea,
breathe in the air,
so fresh before death,
the air left by panic,
watch the valleys crack in two,
toss myself headlong into an endless chasm,
and listen to the earth as it sing its grinding song,

the one it tried to make us hear as crickets at night,
and kittens in the morning,
reminding us,

so breathe in the air,
so fresh before death,
the air left by panic,
let's toss ourselves headlong,
in an endless chasm,
and listen to the earth as it sings its grinding song. ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/169-Old-Stuff-Pt-4-Voices http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/168-Old-Stuff-Pt-3-Massa Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:24:32 GMT As I watch the long man with the red beard in my hair, he tells me his jokes. He pulses with the drum of my heart. His tormented little mind is... As I watch the long man with the red beard in my hair,
he tells me his jokes. He pulses
with the drum of my heart.
His tormented little mind is small and hated,
just like me.
We laid for hours,
it seemed mere minutes.
She comes in,
she says she is sorry, but he and I know
that we will return. As will she.
He comes in, he shoes us about.
*She* is in her nasty vanity.
*She* is staring at the water, she looks at us.
Why is the liquid so evil to those lying eyes?
I walk to my room on the floor.
I crawl inside.
"Can sleep remove this?" I wonder..

^Done in water color as well.
bright yellow, red, and blue ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/168-Old-Stuff-Pt-3-Massa http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/167-Old-Stuff-Pt-2-38-Special Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:20:11 GMT This one is my brother's writing from the same time, putting him at about 14:

I'm growing weapons in my head,
they are not made of metal,
they are not made of lead,
you can't destroy them,
you can't use them against me,
they can withstand fire,
they can withstand psychotherapy,
I made them myself,
I made them with my own two-halved brain.

But when I outgrow my own use,
Put the gun in my mouth,
And force my only defense out the back of my head. ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/167-Old-Stuff-Pt-2-38-Special http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/166-Old-Stuff-Pt-1-Road-Kill Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:17:22 GMT She strengthens the saw.
It's ready.
Its jagged edge makes its way along what kitty would call sacred.
Every release of a tooth on the sacred rope is vibrant with color,
you wish not to see.
It's beautiful.
You won't look.
It's now invisible among you.
You don't care.
Her head wrenches back,
She is free for the three minutes you write for her.
Anger flows.
The teeth are a clean edge.
The rope burns with emotion.
She is tender now.
Do you care?



haha, these are embarrassing but oh well. All of these posts are from stuff I did when I was 12. I did ^ that one in water color across a page. lol... yep! ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/166-Old-Stuff-Pt-1-Road-Kill http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/165-Das-Poem Sun, 05 Jun 2011 03:55:31 GMT Some days I feel like poop. But most days I just feel like poop. The End. Some days I feel like poop.
But most days I just feel like poop.
The End. ]]> Josie http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/165-Das-Poem http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/164-Pain Fri, 01 Apr 2011 14:53:34 GMT First and foremost on my mind for the last six months is my back. The doctors ask how did you injure your back, when did you injure it... I... First and foremost on my mind for the last six months is my back.



The doctors ask how did you injure your back, when did you injure it... I can’t answer this question anymore, even if I try.

I remember in 2003 feeling a numbness in my left leg, I went to the doctor and he thought I pulled a hamstring from working out. Two months later, he thought maybe I had a blockage in my main artery in my leg, so he sent me for an ultrasound, nope, not a blockage. He put me on this medicine and for the life of me I can’t remember what it was. It was recalled a few years ago now. It helped; I went on with life with little pain but still was numb.

In 2005, I believe that is the year they recalled the medicine, I had no insurance, had been laid off from my job in 2004 and was a full-time student. I was in a lot of pain. I went to the emergency room at UNC, after falling down a flight of stairs... guess what... I had herniated disc in my lower spine. Go figure, all this time and NO ONE even thought of doing an MRI.

They attempted surgery in June of 2006 to correct the issue but I died on the table…. twice. Between my weight and I had just quit a 3 pack a day habit my lungs could not take the pressure when they tilted me. They even incubated me and they could not force air into my lungs.

Back to square one; this time spinal injections aka epidural. Say that to a woman who had one during delivery and they smile but it is not the same. You are laying face down on the table, surrounded by the x-ray tech, the doctor, a nurse and a student (UNC is a teaching hospital), pants pulled down to the middle of your ass… I wrote a song about it called my ass is in the air … not joking my favorite nurse still talks about it.

The process: ass in air, they clean the area, take x-ray, they numb you, push the needle, take x-ray, push needle, I feel it, they numb more… this process takes 30-45 minutes of pushing a needle to my spine and taking x-rays to make sure they are going to the right place. You are wide awake because they need to know if they hit a nerve, because that could mean you leave walk again. I have had 14 of these since 2006. They aren’t working any more, hell they didn’t work a lot before, but it is getting worse. In between the shots I take vicodin, (most days 6 – 8 10/325) and flexeril just to survive with my sanity. Now I am on those plus lidocaine patches and trazodone to help me sleep.

My regular MD sends me to the spine clinic for surgery again but the doctors there want to try everything else first, so now I am doing PT once a week.

Here is my thing, ok, I can walk most of the time ok, up until October, my life was pretty normal but since the flare in October, I have only been dancing twice, I can’t go see my family in the mountains because I can only drive 20 minutes without stopping to do PT stretches. I even missed my favorite great aunts funeral because I was unable to drive or ride it. I really don’t want surgery, what happens if it doesn’t work? So many questions about things that just bring more stress, like I cannot survive off of 60% of my pay for 12 weeks of recovery…. Totally different entry.

So, is PT helping? Maybe, hell I don’t know any more… all I know is that no matter what, no matter how many pills I take, no matter how many patches I wear, how little or much sleep I get, no matter if I sit, lay or stand… I hurt; I hurt all the time, nonstop pain ... like someone is stabbing me in my spine or like my bones are grinding together.

Day after day, night after night…. Endless pain. ]]> SittinGrumpy http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/164-Pain http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/163-Testing Wed, 30 Mar 2011 17:17:24 GMT I have never had a normal cycle, never! I started my cycle at 11 years old, since then there are times I have a cycle for 30 days non stop or go two... I have never had a normal cycle, never! I started my cycle at 11 years old, since then there are times I have a cycle for 30 days non stop or go two years without one; this is normal for me.

The first time I was pregnant, I felt different but every test I took (4 of them) said no; so, I continued to prepare for my wedding, which was set for May 14, 1994. On Thursday May 5, I woke up in so much pain... I couldn't get out of bed. I had no idea what was wrong. After about an hour it was better and I got ready for work, I just thought I was starting, which I was VERY VERY happy that it happened the week before the wedding and not the week of... white dress + TOM = disaster.

I went to work, I was a photographer for Olan Mills. The pain got worse as the day went on. V and his mother came to the job and took me to the ER about 8 pm that night. The doctor was doing an pap smear, he looks up at me and says "Did you know you were pregnant?" My world crumbled. No, I did not know I was pregnant, every test said NO!

I had the wedding to plan for, I couldn't stop and think about what just happened. I went back to work that Friday, first customer of the day was a 6 week old baby. I crumbled, I pushed myself against the wall to hold me up and I couldn't stop crying; All I had ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I pulled myself together, finished out a week there and left, I couldn't deal with holding babies, pregnant women and just people with families in general.

Let's skip the fertility stuff for now.... December 1994, the doctor tells me that the chances of me ever being a mother were extremely slim, my uterus was the size of a five year old and carrying to term would be almost impossible.

February 1995, V and I go to the SPCA to get a puppy. He thought I needed something to love and care for. Majic was with us until March 28, 2007 when she laid down beside me and died.

I never used birth control because I wanted that chance, if it ever happened again... fifteen years pass with no pregnancies, no testing, no paranoia .... July 29, 2009 happens.

I am at work, feeling H O R R I B L E! Spotting, which is normal for my first day. I have a lot of things on my mind. My husband and I are having trouble, I hate him, he doesn't know it. I tell my boss I just cant do it today and he lets me leave.

I am in the car driving to Walmart for pads, Lori is on the phone and I am telling her something isn't right. I get out of the car at Walmart and my seat is covered in blood. I called V, told him what happened and asked if I had pads at home. I drove home, got in the house, I am freaking out. I go in, V meets me in the bathroom and I had passed the baby. I knew what was happening, it wasn't a blob, it was a baby. I was 11-12 weeks along.

November 2010, my period was very weird and painful and I run to the ER thinking here we go again! Thank God, it was a false alarm.

On a side note, when they check me in now and go through my history they say "history of miscarriages"

Monday March 14, I started and it went non-stop until March 23. Yesterday I started spotting and I freaked out. I called V, because of my history we were both worried. II went to the same Walmart to get a pregnancy test, I don't know why, they have never shown before I was pregnant but I don't want to run to the ER or doctor every single time something with my system isn't "normal".

V and I talked and I told him, I cant keep doing this, I cant keep thinking I am losing another one, I have three dead babies, (baby 1, majic, baby 2) I cant deal with a forth. He agrees.

I took it this morning.... I like the fact its yes and no and not blue and pink or plus and minus.



And the result is.....

Or is it?

I have tried birth control in the past and it didn't work well for me, as long as I took the pills I was on my period, as soon as I stopped taking them, I stopped my period. However, I have come to the conclusion I have to do something, I cant wonder and stress and I just cant deal with the loss of another child right now... or ever for that matter. ]]> SittinGrumpy http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/163-Testing http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/162-I-cried-today Sun, 27 Mar 2011 21:40:58 GMT It wasn’t he first time that I have cried tears of joy since I began my weight loss, only the second. The first time it happened at Dots, a clothing... It wasn’t he first time that I have cried tears of joy since I began my weight loss, only the second. The first time it happened at Dots, a clothing store in Garner. I picked up this shirt I really wanted but I knew it wouldn’t fit. Lori told me to try it, so I did. I went into the dressing room and low and behold, it fit and OMG it looked good.

I stood there in the dressing room, crying. I couldn’t believe that I could wear a shirt from a regular store. I dried my eyes so no one could tell I was crying; I walked out so Lori could see it. To say the least I had to buy it.

Today, I got out of the shower, I was drying off, I wrapped the towel around me, looked in the mirror and I could see it. For the first time I could see that I am smaller… I screamed for my husband, he ran in thinking something was wrong. I asked him, “Do I look different to you”, he laughed as the tears rolled down my face, “Yes baby,” he responded, “everyone but you has seen it”, and he wrapped his arms around me as I continued to cry.

It feels good to finally see a difference. ]]> SittinGrumpy http://swollencranium.com/forums/entry.php/162-I-cried-today