Vent: Maternity Pants

[Josie]

Okay, what the FUCK is up with these things?? If I could, I'd just wear regular jeans throughout my pregnancy, but that just isn't making sense from the monetary aspect. Yes, Prick, I just said I can't afford it.

Anyways, this means that I have to break down and buy these fucked up pieces of shit. I don't understand why they don't just take a regular pair of stretch jeans and make the top even stretchier by replacing the denim with a cotton-covered piece of elastic.

But no... they make these things crawl half way up your back and belly... which is the most uncomfortable feeling ever - especially when you feel fat anyways. Even the "no belly" (supposedly won't come up over your belly) style have a crotch length of two miles. The "optional" belly panel style that is really stretchy and can be folded down eats into your sides and STILL doesn't allow you to fold it down far enough because the crotch is, again, two miles long.

Do pregnant women really prefer this shit, or what? Who designs this crap? If you do, or have, I hate you.

Why on earth would I want my jeans to be sitting on my back and have enough extra space in the ass and legs to fit another set of my lower parts? Also, how does it make any sense to put stretchy stuff or scratchy DENIM up on an irritated, growing, belly?

It would seem that the first line of logic, when designing these things, would be to make everything come below the belly and sit right where normal low-rise jeans do on the back. And then, if some 80's-wearing retard wanted "full coverage", you could then design something frumpy for them...

And, on that note, what's up with all the extra freaking space and horrible ass designs anyhow?? Yes, my belly is a little large, but my ass is not ten miles wide and my legs are NOT oak-trunks. Nor does my ass need to be made to look flat or wider than it already is by some lame design.

In short, mat. pants designers... here's where you suck:



rise
design
fit
Oh yes, and length too. What, you can't offer anything but a 30" inseam that will shrink to 28"-29" ??

Pretty much, every aspect of your pants are lame, except for the fact that they are stretchy.


http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m205/jonnito/fuck.jpg

[Incognito]

http://www.explicitzone.com/forums/imagehosting/1473c8758816c5.jpg

[Blood]

LOL most random rant EVER!

Aww c'mon you're a crafty gal, why not get some jeans you like and fix the top part?

I know that thats totally missing the point but in the meantime, while we are waiting on them to invent better prego pants, you should totally try it.

Then, after you've perfected the art of comfy pants making you can sell the idea for miiiiilllllions!

But yeah the reason why things like these don't get invented is because most people are bitchers, not doers.

[4nik8]

^^^That's what I was going to say.

You're in the perfect crotchety mood to know exactly what is wrong with them and how to fix them.

Why not tinker with them and when ya got 'em right....market them.

Crazier ideas than comfy fitting maternity clothes have made people plenty of dough.

[HerCUNTness]

I went to Lane Bryant and found clothes that fit . Hit the fat stores.....
Or do the sweatsuit outfits.... your choice.

[CrAnIuM]

I repeat ;

A VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR.

[Blood]

I went to Lane Bryant and found clothes that fit . Hit the fat stores.....
Or do the sweatsuit outfits.... your choice.

Yeah, but the point is why can't pregnant women have cute AND comfy clothes too?

[Incognito]

Yeah, but the point is why can't pregnant women have cute AND comfy clothes too?

Pregnant women are cute either way. Even with the maternity pants.

[Blood]

Pregnant women are cute either way. Even with the maternity pants.

Yeah, i had a feeling you where into preggers.

Just mind you don't go in too deep and poke the baby....wait...who am I kidding, nevermind, you're good. :yociexp27:

[Incognito]

Yeah, i had a feeling you where into preggers.

Just mind you don't go in too deep and poke the baby....wait...who am I kidding, nevermind, you're good. :yociexp27:

Aww you're so mean to me. I don't have some kind of prego fetish... and I happen to be quite well off when it comes to cock size. Any woman that I give my shlong to becomes physically and mentally addicted to it... and thats real.

[HerCUNTness]

because they get bigger and bigger... No telling how big they will get. So fat stores is a good choice.

[Blood]

Aww you're so mean to me. I don't have some kind of prego fetish... and I happen to be quite well off when it comes to cock size. Any woman that I give my shlong to becomes physically and mentally addicted to it... and thats real.

Alright, you done gone and twisted my arm, i GUESS you can show me your junk if you really want to that bad.

[Incognito]

Alright, you done gone and twisted my arm, i GUESS you can show me your junk if you really want to that bad.

Not only do women become addicted... but they also become possessive... so, if my girl caught me doing that, she'd pull out the gun and shoot me in the neck.

[KommieKat]

This would have been better as a Blog.

[CrAnIuM]

This would have been better as a Blog.

I have a distinct feeling that only a few of us will use the blogs for anything more than talking about personal hygiene.

[Absinthe]

Not only do women become addicted... but they also become possessive... so, if my girl caught me doing that, she'd pull out the gun and shoot me in the neck.


I dunno... but I wouldn't go for the neck...

[Blood]

Not only do women become addicted... but they also become possessive... so, if my girl caught me doing that, she'd pull out the gun and shoot me in the neck.

Ahh i see.

Well if you hadn't be attacking me with your powerful sexual advances of manly sexiness i would have never even dreamed of asking! :khi3n:

[Josie]

LOL most random rant EVER!

Aww c'mon you're a crafty gal, why not get some jeans you like and fix the top part?


Yep, random. And, I *am* trying to rig up my pants already, but there is just something difficult about sewing and having a toddler crawl all over you...


You're in the perfect crotchety mood to know exactly what is wrong with them and how to fix them.

Why not tinker with them and when ya got 'em right....market them.

Crazier ideas than comfy fitting maternity clothes have made people plenty of dough.

See above.


I went to Lane Bryant and found clothes that fit . Hit the fat stores.....
Or do the sweatsuit outfits.... your choice.

No. I am not fat everywhere. My belly sticks out, but, as I stated before.... I do NOT have tree trunk legs or a ten mile wide ass. I am a normal size, but with a pooch that needs to be accommodated by stretch.


This would have been better as a Blog.

Yay, buddha! :10_003:

I decided to post this here, because...

1) It's a new forum and diversity is good.
2) This is the right brained area, with "random" in its description
3) I thought MAYBE someone might have advice other than "this should be a blog" or "make your own"

*goes off to read Buddha's blog*

*gets sidetracked by spongebob on the way and says 'fuck it' *
_________

I love multiquote :yociexp77:

[Josie]

I repeat ;

A VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR.

*sigh* How many times will I have to explain the female anatomy before you understand that babies don't grow in there?

http://www.yoursurgery.com/procedures/hysteroscopy/images/AnteriorNormalUterus.jpg

A fetus lives in the middle of the upside down pear ^

[CrAnIuM]

ewwwww...

[Blood]

*sigh* How many times will I have to explain the female anatomy before you understand that babies don't grow in there?
A fetus lives in the middle of the upside down pear ^


I second the girlish "ewww", vaginas are gross.

And, here ya go ya big whiner, i just got off thephone with my sister and she said for you to go here. http://www.bellydancematernity.com/bottoms-c-2-view-all.html

And that they have some pretty "cute shit". I'm not sure about how comfy you would be with ordering pants online but its worth a shot.

[Josie]

ewwwww...

:dribble:

[CrAnIuM]

Ding Ding Ding !!! We have a winner !!!!

http://swollencranium.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=17&pictureid=110

[Blood]

Ding Ding Ding !!! We have a winner !!!!

http://swollencranium.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=17&pictureid=110


Your sense of style truly shames me. :khi2d:

I'm not even going to bring up the million remarks that i could say about you actually browsing through preggo pants.

[Incognito]

Pregos are so cute.

[InterStella]

I completely agree with the rant, Josie. Most preggo pants are terrible, and obviously designed with the "I'm pregnant so I'll eat what the fuck I want, when the fuck I want" crowd in mind.

I stuck to my fave fashion stores that also did a maternity range, and invested in a couple of trendy pairs that I knew I'd feel good in. And wow, I got my moneys worth.

Are you much bigger (earlier) with this one? I was in maternity clothes from 13 weeks with my second. And she's still a beefer!

[Josie]

I second the girlish "ewww", vaginas are gross.

And, here ya go ya big whiner, i just got off thephone with my sister and she said for you to go here. http://www.bellydancematernity.com/bottoms-c-2-view-all.html

And that they have some pretty "cute shit". I'm not sure about how comfy you would be with ordering pants online but its worth a shot.

Thanks :)


Are you much bigger (earlier) with this one? I was in maternity clothes from 13 weeks with my second. And she's still a beefer!

Nah, I'm much tinier with this one. I started out bigger with my first, though. I was a size 9 when I got pregnant with him and was so sick and bed-ridden that I ended up getting up to a size 18 in regular clothes (somehow this is A MEDIUM in maternity pants??) and was very close to 200 pounds the day I delivered. Woof! THAT was uncomfortable.


With this one, I started out at a size 2-3. I'm somewhere in the ballpark of 5 months and I'm wearing a size 5-7, regular clothes, and an extra small to small in prego clothes. What's really frustrating is that if I get a small (which fits my belly for the most part), it fits like a tent everywhere else.

I'm sorry, but what on earth do all the little tiny asian women do?? They NEVER get big... how on earth do they find clothes? Or do they just hide out at home? :yociexp37:

The only thing that I'd say that's really weird compared to my first pregnancy is that my belly is HUGE compared to how it was last time. I'm 5 months and most people take me for 7 months... my own husband is always saying I'm 6-7 months to people by accident.

[4nik8]

http://www.yoursurgery.com/procedures/hysteroscopy/images/AnteriorNormalUterus.jpg



That pic looks like a cartoon Super Villain.

Kinda fitting when ya think about the powers it has over men.

[Josie]

That pic looks like a cartoon Super Villain.

Kinda fitting when ya think about the powers it has over men.

hehe, I can't find a picture of the caped plier-wielding mice who steal the veggies in "The Fresh Vegetable Mystery", but that's what this reminds me of, lol. Here's a pic from the cartoon itself, but I couldn't get one of the furry thieves

http://tesla.liketelevision.com/liketelevision/images/toonfest/lowrez/freshveg212.gif

[Chriss]

I completely know what you mean. It drove me crazy when I was pregnant with my daughter! They have something somewhere (vague, I know) that actually attaches to the button of your pre-preggo jeans.

Here's something kind of what I found when I was pregnant: http://www.ezwaist.com/

I also found a thing called the bella band. Here's a link to one of the stores I found it in: http://www.pregnancystore.com/bella_band.htm

I saw some pretty good reviews on that bella band. Hope this helps! I know maternity clothes can drive a pregnant woman even more insane than she already is lol

[Jenn]

I completely know what you mean. It drove me crazy when I was pregnant with my daughter! They have something somewhere (vague, I know) that actually attaches to the button of your pre-preggo jeans.

Here's something kind of what I found when I was pregnant: http://www.ezwaist.com/

I also found a thing called the bella band. Here's a link to one of the stores I found it in: http://www.pregnancystore.com/bella_band.htm

I saw some pretty good reviews on that bella band. Hope this helps! I know maternity clothes can drive a pregnant woman even more insane than she already is lol

I never really had to wear maternity pants. I was a size 6 prepregnancy and I wore my size 6's during until I was around 6.5/7 months, then it was summertime and I just wore these cute maternity shorts from motherhood. They were just stretchy and weren't the ugly kind of stretchy either, lol. I couldn't stand looking at the jeans there...ugh.. they looked so ugly. I liked low rise jeans and they helped me tons! :yociexp77:

[Jenn]

I completely know what you mean. It drove me crazy when I was pregnant with my daughter! They have something somewhere (vague, I know) that actually attaches to the button of your pre-preggo jeans.

Here's something kind of what I found when I was pregnant: http://www.ezwaist.com/

I also found a thing called the bella band. Here's a link to one of the stores I found it in: http://www.pregnancystore.com/bella_band.htm

I saw some pretty good reviews on that bella band. Hope this helps! I know maternity clothes can drive a pregnant woman even more insane than she already is lol


Forgot to add that sweat pants were my best friend during any pregnancy as well.

[Chriss]

Forgot to add that sweat pants were my best friend during any pregnancy as well.

Anything with an elastic band drove me BONKERS! I did manage to find ONE style of maternity jeans that fit like a dream at Motherhood, so I went back and bought like 3 or 4 of the same kind and just wore them out. They were the kind with the lower cloth elastic thing that rested below the belly, so it was alot more comfortable, especially in the later months when my little monster was sitting reeeeally low.

[Jenn]

Anything with an elastic band drove me BONKERS! I did manage to find ONE style of maternity jeans that fit like a dream at Motherhood, so I went back and bought like 3 or 4 of the same kind and just wore them out. They were the kind with the lower cloth elastic thing that rested below the belly, so it was alot more comfortable, especially in the later months when my little monster was sitting reeeeally low.

I just couldn't get maternity jeans for either. I thought they were ooooglay.

[Chriss]

I just couldn't get maternity jeans for either. I thought they were ooooglay.

haha nothing a pair of scissors and some creativity couldn't fix ;)

Yes, yes, I was one of those annoying preggo's that suddenly got creative with things like decorating, clothes, and other random crap...lol

[*Lins*]

A friend of mine is preggers right now and she is having the same problem as you. Right now she is buying ultra low rise jeans so the fit nicely UNDER the belly. sometimes she has to leave them unbuttoned and keep the zipper pulled up with a twist tie attached to the unbuttoned button but no one sees it becuase her belly or shirt usually covers it.

[Jenn]

haha nothing a pair of scissors and some creativity couldn't fix ;)

Yes, yes, I was one of those annoying preggo's that suddenly got creative with things like decorating, clothes, and other random crap...lol

Awesome! Next time I have a bun in the oven, I'll bug you for some of your creativity.

[Jenn]

A friend of mine is preggers right now and she is having the same problem as you. Right now she is buying ultra low rise jeans so the fit nicely UNDER the belly. sometimes she has to leave them unbuttoned and keep the zipper pulled up with a twist tie attached to the unbuttoned button but no one sees it becuase her belly or shirt usually covers it.

I had to do that too, lol. I only gained 23lbs during my pregnancy with my son. It was easy to just wear my regular jeans. Then he dropped, and ugghhhh...lol

[Chriss]

Awesome! Next time I have a bun in the oven, I'll bug you for some of your creativity.

HAHA what are you gonna do? Fedex me all your preggo pants? I'll bedazzle some for you just to piss you off! ;)

[Jenn]

HAHA what are you gonna do? Fedex me all your preggo pants? I'll bedazzle some for you just to piss you off! ;)


Just the ones that need your special touch. And be careful about pissing me off.. I know where you live and how to hide bodies.. you wont be missed. :10_003:

[Chriss]

Just the ones that need your special touch. And be careful about pissing me off.. I know where you live and how to hide bodies.. you wont be missed. :10_003:

Can't you just SAY you killed me so I can finally have a vacation?

[Jenn]

Can't you just SAY you killed me so I can finally have a vacation?


No.

[Chriss]

No.

Yikes. Note to self. Don't piss Jenn off.

[Jenn]

Yikes. Note to self. Don't piss Jenn off.


There's only one way to do that, and I know you wouldn't. :khi2d:

[*Lins*]

I had to do that too, lol. I only gained 23lbs during my pregnancy with my son. It was easy to just wear my regular jeans. Then he dropped, and ugghhhh...lol


yeah my friend is just about due and she has dropped a lot!!! so shes doing the whole gym pants thing right now! only has a few days left though

[CrAnIuM]

yeah my friend is just about due and she has dropped a lot!!! so shes doing the whole gym pants thing right now! only has a few days left though


Stop lying ...no one in Canada is allowed any friends.

With your beady eyes and flapping heads.

YouTube - French Canada (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAbEgr1A37s)

[*Lins*]

Stop lying ...no one in Canada is allowed any friends.

With your beady eyes and flapping heads.

YouTube - French Canada (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAbEgr1A37s)

I hate french people around here. They are rude and have their noses stuck so far in the air they can't see a damn thing thats going on around them They think they are the masters of the universe and I want to kill them all.

[Chriss]

There's only one way to do that, and I know you wouldn't. :khi2d:

Never!! :29_003:

[Chriss]

yeah my friend is just about due and she has dropped a lot!!! so shes doing the whole gym pants thing right now! only has a few days left though

Aww! That's the only part I DON'T miss about my pregnancy! Ugggggh, it sucked!

[Violet]

A friend of mine is preggers right now and she is having the same problem as you. Right now she is buying ultra low rise jeans so the fit nicely UNDER the belly. sometimes she has to leave them unbuttoned and keep the zipper pulled up with a twist tie attached to the unbuttoned button but no one sees it becuase her belly or shirt usually covers it.Buttonfly jeans were my best friends when I was pregnant.

I was given some preggerpants for Xmas the year I was pregnant. I cried. They were the ugliest fucking things. I'm tall and I could still pull the damn things up over the top of my tummy Urkel-style.
http://gfx.aftonbladet.se/multimedia/archive/00368/steve210_368532w.jpg
That, and they were tapered-legged.


I have no desire to spawn anymore, but if the inclination ever hit me, I could be dissuaded just by being reminded of the horrible pants.

[Chriss]

I have no desire to spawn anymore, but if the inclination ever hit me, I could be dissuaded just by being reminded of the horrible pants.

LOL yeah that though is enough to dissuade anyone with a moderate sense of style!

[Josie]

LOL yeah that though is enough to dissuade anyone with a moderate sense of style!

I know this wasn't directed at me, but...

Ya know, it wouldn't be so bad if they were hideous AND amazingly comfortable, but they're both hideous and amazingly UNcomfortable.

Bastages *shakes fist*

[Chriss]

I know this wasn't directed at me, but...

Ya know, it wouldn't be so bad if they were hideous AND amazingly comfortable, but they're both hideous and amazingly UNcomfortable.

Bastages *shakes fist*

lol yeah, it was just a general statement...and you are so right. But then again, the makers of these hideous pants would just say "if your so worried about it, go fucking get some sweats" and be done with it. I think next time I'll just find some damn dresses or something and say fuck you to the maternity pants lol.

[Josie]

lol yeah, it was just a general statement...and you are so right. But then again, the makers of these hideous pants would just say "if your so worried about it, go fucking get some sweats" and be done with it. I think next time I'll just find some damn dresses or something and say fuck you to the maternity pants lol.

Haha! Yes! I've already got two dresses and several stretchy skirts that I practically live in. hehe, and this time, I can wear them without scaring people too badly. (I'm very pale, and with the first, I got HOOOGE, so me legs were um... yeah...)

[Chriss]

Haha! Yes! I've already got two dresses and several stretchy skirts that I practically live in. hehe, and this time, I can wear them without scaring people too badly. (I'm very pale, and with the first, I got HOOOGE, so me legs were um... yeah...)

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was tiny, my daughter got me ginormous, so...umm...yeah same thing lol. I feel your pain!

I think its alot better to be preggo during the warmer months. It may be hot out, but at least you aren't reduced to just pants, you know?

[Josie]

at least you aren't reduced to just pants, you know?

I could not agree more

[Amythist]

no shit....we should still be able to get pants in the style we like preggers or not!!!! die maternity pant designers and makers......probably men who make um.....

[KommieKat]

Is this thread still going?

Suggestion: Forget the clothes and just go naked around the house.
Don't forget to give it up to your man. The muscles around your love hole needs stretching out some before giving birth.

As for me and the ex, we were doing it up to the last 2-weeks.
There was something erotic about it. Maybe you know what I mean.
:laluot_31:

[Jenn]

Is this thread still going?

Suggestion: Forget the clothes and just go naked around the house.
Don't forget to give it up to your man. The muscles around your love hole needs stretching out some before giving birth.

As for me and the ex, we were doing it up to the last 2-weeks.
There was something erotic about it. Maybe you know what I mean.
:laluot_31:

I wasnt able to do anything during my pregnancies. Blah. And I sure as hell wasnt walking around the house naked like that

[Josie]

Is this thread still going?

How is it that I knew this would be what you had to say as soon as I saw you'd posted?


Suggestion: Forget the clothes and just go naked around the house.

Check. It's being out in public that sucks... and I am out and about quite a bit. Especially lately.



As for me and the ex, we were doing it up to the last 2-weeks.
There was something erotic about it. Maybe you know what I mean.
:laluot_31:

We gotcha beat :44: !!! Hehe, I went into labor two hours after a um... session?

[Amythist]

no shit......9 months of bed rest here.....pj's were my bread and butter!

[Josie]

And I sure as hell wasnt walking around the house naked like that

...? Why not? It's your house, so as long as you're comfortable, who cares?

*snicker* There have been quite a few times where I've forgotten to close the blinds and the Mexicans outside (they were doing extensive remodeling to our apartments during my entire pregnancy) would get a bit of a white woman show.

:yociexp37:

[KommieKat]

How is it that I knew this would be what you had to say as soon as I saw you'd posted?

Was it actually worth mentioning that?
Yes, it was me.


We gotcha beat :44: !!! Hehe, I went into labor two hours after a um... session?

Maybe your man gave a bit too much stimulation?:laluot_01:

[Jenn]

...? Why not? It's your house, so as long as you're comfortable, who cares?

*snicker* There have been quite a few times where I've forgotten to close the blinds and the Mexicans outside (they were doing extensive remodeling to our apartments during my entire pregnancy) would get a bit of a white woman show.

:yociexp37:


That's just it. I wasn't comfortable. I loved being pregnant, and was proud of my big ol' baby bump, but I was 112pre pregnancy weight, and I got very self conscious when I gained.

I wouldnt have had to worry about anyone staring in really since at the time, I lived on the 22nd floor. The only way ppl could see in is if I was walking past the balconey and they were on the roof of the next building over.

[Josie]

Was it actually worth mentioning that?

Yes.

Maybe your man gave a bit too much stimulation?:laluot_01:

Heh, I don't know about too much, but Mmmmm :yociexp77: It sure was nice.

[Jenn]

no shit......9 months of bed rest here.....pj's were my bread and butter!


9 months? Holy shit! I was never on bedrest, thank God. But I wasnt able to have sex. Not that it mattered.. I didnt want it. But my poor, poor husband, lol.

[Chriss]

no shit....we should still be able to get pants in the style we like preggers or not!!!! die maternity pant designers and makers......probably men who make um.....

HA This would not surprise me!

[Chriss]

We gotcha beat :44: !!! Hehe, I went into labor two hours after a um... session?

lol they do say that induces labor! Didn't work for me, though...although I'm sure the other half didn't mind!

[Josie]

lol they do say that induces labor! Didn't work for me, though...although I'm sure the other half didn't mind!

It's only effective if he cums in you. I know that's sort of TMI, but it's true.

The "massaging" of the cervix *does* help a little bit, but the prostoglandins(sp) in the cum really help get the ball rolling, hehe

Then again, it doesn't work for everyone... just like spicy foods, hot baths, hot weather, and other stuff.

[Chriss]

Then again, it doesn't work for everyone... just like spicy foods, hot baths, hot weather, and other stuff.

Yeah, nothing worked for me unfortunately...all I got was some heartburn from the spicy food lol