Tomfoolery!

[Capt.]

It's obvious that most people on this forum are like me and enjoy fucking with people's minds. It's fun to watch how people react to different situations. I'm curious if anyone else takes it to my level though. Hopefully, some of you are worse or more bold than I am, and I look forward to reading your stories.

For instance:

I've turned my hat sideways, made a down-syndrome-type face and limped throughout Wal-Mart carrying a certain "retarded" style.

Used several different accents whilst ordering fast food over the speaker and then speaking completely normal when I got to the window.

Farting loudly in the produce department of my local grocery store.

Tied a sock around the control bar of a self-propelled lawn mower and sending on its way down the street.

Smiling and staring at strangers in a non-threatening way.

[Josie]

I've turned my hat sideways, made a down-syndrome-type face and limped throughout Wal-Mart carrying a certain "retarded" style.

hehehehe, my dad pretended to have cerebral palsy in the mall with my mother (when they were married) one time. He chased her around, while she ran away embarrassed, calling her name in palsy-ese. At one point, she started hitting him to try to get him to stop. The onlookers shook their heads and felt sorry for the poor handicapped man she was abusing.

Similarly, he once pulled his socks up to his knees and yanked his 90's jeans up into super high-waters and tried to embarrass me at the grocery store when I was a teenager. I thought it was hilarious and can only imagine I will repeat this behavior and embarrass my poor poor angel children.


Used several different accents whilst ordering fast food over the speaker and then speaking completely normal when I got to the window.

I used to work at Arby's and did this when I worked drive thru. I would throw on all these crazy accents when the person was at the speaker box and then speak totally normally when they pulled forward. Some of them got it, but the rest figured "the coward" was hiding in the back somewhere.


Farting loudly in the produce department of my local grocery store.

Commissary. Pay day. Jam packed with annoyed assholes and their horrifically behaved brats. Embed self in large crowd, pass a ripe one.. linger for a bit, giving dirty looks to those around you. Hilarity ensues.

My favorites are the condescending bitches.. requirements:

-worst behaved, screaming brats
-blonde highlights beginning to or half grown out
-basket full of junk food

Almost without fail, they will: "Some people! [then they turn toward their children] well. at least WE'RE respectable people. I swear.. " and she goes waddling off, her ass further consuming her pants with each shimmy.

By that time, I can't help it and start laughing. I have a feeling this is probably a somewhat negative example to set.. but the truth, is I don't really care. I can only hope when they go home to complain about the phantom farter to their hubby that he guffaws and tells her to take a chill pill.

[Capt.]

Negative examples are subject to "the eye of the beholder". The only negative thing is people's inability to judge when to act out or not. Obviously, I'd never act retarded to put shame on a mentally retarded person in their presence.

Another thing that I hate is the "offended" people. "Offended" is another way to prove they have no sense of humor. Let's see who the first one to be "offended" by this post!

[Deadly_Toxin]

Once when I had a shaved head I dressed up like a wigger and wore an extremely large hoodie (to disguise my tits) and went to the movies with my friends as a boy.

I was getting a lot of the "Is that a girl or a boy?" looks. I thought it was pretty great.

[Firestorm]

Try walking around your local pharmacy mumbling to yourself that by god this batch of tylenol will get them fuckers for lying to you....it will clear the aisles in a flash.

[SlimSkeeter]

Elevators are my favorites... Confined space, no room to run, captive audience....

Talking to yourself on an express elevator is fun... "No, thats not her...is it? it IS... I wonder if she has it on her... We should find out...."

Orrrr going for the classics: draw a square in the middle of the floor, stand in it, and insist that it is "your area" and firmly push anyone away who encroaches.

Otherwise, my most fun is putting on a certain voice I do and walking in to a store with a list of things and an empty backpack. Hand list to nearest clerk, saying "My mommy says I'm a big boy now and she said I can come here and get this stuff from you. Would you please put it in my backpack for me?" (this, from a 30 year old, draws looks....)

[Negativecool]

I had to do something along these lines for my Sociology Class when I was a freshman in college. We had to break a social "folkway" or unwritten social etiquette rule that everyone abides by to avoid....weirdness. Then we had to write a three page paper about it.

Classic ways people tackled this assignment included the elevator, guys bathroom urinals, etc. I chose a different route and brought a fart machine into each of my classes in which I set it off precisely every 15 minutes during lecture for a total of 3 times per class period.
My findings were surprising. In each of my classes the first time I set it off----NOTHING. No sound, no peeps, no snickers...not even a quick glance from anyone to answer "did that guy just do that?" Everyone did hear it but everyone internalized their thoughts on the matter and did not allow their nonverbals to tell a different story other than ignorance of what just occurred. It got to the point where it became uncomfortable for me to set it off the first time in my classes. Although I knew it wasn't me farting, the uncomfortable silence following the first detonation was slightly gut wrenching.
Only at the second detonation did people start to noticeably react; whether through shocked eye rolling, surprised body language, or slight whispering snickers---they began responding to a now annoying pattern of rude gaseous release.
The third and final detonation finally achieved the results I wrongly assumed would have occurred every time. By this time everyone is wondering what the fuck. No one seems to adhere to an odd polite social responsibility to forget what they just heard---to be an "adult" and choke down the urge to laugh as loud as they know they want to---to ignore it, let it go, because farts happen. EVERYONE wants to know who the fuck is shitting their pants. In one of my classes, the professor stopped class and asked if I was "ok," implying that a trip to the bathroom to take a shit would do me some good to not interrupt his god damn class with my....

Tomfoolery!

[Deadly_Toxin]

Elevators.

I've caught myself saying "thank-you" to the elevator a few times. Although people do react like I'm a crazy person... it was completely unintentional.

So perhaps I am a crazy person. XD

[Josie]

I love fart noises... when they're intentional.

One time, back in grade school, I had a really awful flu for two weeks and pretty much just laid on my mom's couch puking profusely into a giant lego bucket while my mother tried to make phone calls in between 'episodes'. Naturally, all dignity flew out the window and I did whatever I needed to do whenever I felt like doing it. Well, I got better and went back to school.

During lunch, a group of us dorks would go to play chess with our teacher, Mr. Bates. I was playing against my friend that day I got back and had my foot propped up in the chair, the other leg splayed to the side (yes. dignity.. lost.) I leaned forward to move a chess piece and ripped a fat nasty one that reverberated off the chair and amplified into the world's most longest, grossest fart ever.

I didn't even notice I'd done it :4:

My friend had to inform me the entire room was staring at me and waiting for an "excuse me" after such an "explosion". I was mortified. The boy I'd had a crush on since forever decided to show up to chess boredom that day and looked about like he was going to vomit.. needless to say, he made every effort never to speak to me again. Ever.

:55_002:

[Grim_Legion]

sometimes i get in a mood where i just want to fight, my wife calls it my pshyco rages, anyway its no good picking a fight with just anyone, if you seen as the aggressor it can turn nasty, especially when the cops show, so one of my favorite tricks to get somebody to thrown the first punch, and i must admit, not my own ingenious invention, i borrowed it from Sid Vicious, is to troll restaurant / take-aways that have lots of seats facing the window, i find a suitable candidate, you know the type, ape crossed steroid monkey, and i stand in front of the window, slowly picking my nose and wiping it on the glass in front of said target ..

[proper stranger]

Sometimes I say "excuse me" when other people have farted.
I did it on a crowded elevator once. Everyone was giving me dirty looks, except for the sheepish looking guy in the back.
My Lady was embarrassed as all hell, and shot me some dirty looks of her own.
Win/Win I guess.

[CrAnIuM]

You bastards disgust me.



Grow up. Immediately.

[proper stranger]

Let's see who the first one to be "offended" by this post!

I'm "offended" by this post.

Ha!! It was me. I said it first. Most excellent...
What do I win?

[proper stranger]

You bastards disgust me.

Join the crowd. Much of the time I disgust myself.

[Josie]

You bastards

you just don't wanna tell your fart/poopy stories.

[CrAnIuM]

you just don't wanna tell your fart/poopy stories.

I have none. Toilet humor is beneath me.

How dare you madam ... how dare you indeed.

[Josie]

I have none.

Retired military. There is bound to be at least one dingle berry moment or three.

[Deadly_Toxin]

Retired military. There is bound to be at least one dingle berry moment or three.

Yeaaah! Bet you're a Dirty Gerty!

[Firestorm]

You bastards disgust me.



Grow up. Immediately.

Me thinks you doth protest too much kind sir. I know you've been up to a thing or three over the years.

[Mamba]

I love fart noises...

:55_002:


Awww. Hahaha. That is funny. Poor Josie.

[Gravy]

- At a recent trip with some colleagues to Badabing we decided to pretend we were footballers from England (half of them were actually English, so it was quite convincing). Anyway, long story short, we got the attention of a whole bunch of strippers who thought we were first-team players for Charlton Athletic (a seriously shit team in England) after the first stripper we told the lie to and requested she keep it quiet so we don't attract unwanted attention of papparazzi went and blabbed to her manager. One little lie and a mixture of genuine and extremely poor imitations of English accents and we were kings for a night.

- I rubbed my crotch through my pants last week as a group of Asian tourists were looking down at me from their bus as I was stopped alongside them at the lights, giving them the "you know you want some of this" nod and wink. I think the average age of that tour was 60-70, so they seemed quite shocked and offended.

- I asked a cab driver this morning after he dropped us off home from a night in the city if he accepted New Zealand currency. I waited about 10 seconds into his yelling before telling him I was kidding and he should really relax a bit. I also told him he wasn't getting a tip because he farted.


Stuff like this is a regular occurance when I'm out with friends. Individually, I'm a gentleman. With them, I'm a complete fuckwit. I really should grow up someday!

[SlimSkeeter]

I really should grow up someday!

Balderdash....

[Absinthe]

Otherwise, my most fun is putting on a certain voice I do and walking in to a store with a list of things and an empty backpack. Hand list to nearest clerk, saying "My mommy says I'm a big boy now and she said I can come here and get this stuff from you. Would you please put it in my backpack for me?" (this, from a 30 year ol, draws looks....)

Gaaaa... this was the funniest so far.. Next time please have a friend take a video of it. Hidden camera style...

[SlimSkeeter]

Gaaaa... this was the funniest so far.. Next time please have a friend take a video of it. Hidden camera style...

10-4

[KommieKat]

I have done this one at the 7/11 quite a few times to my wife:

At the cashier counter, there is a display of condoms. I'll pick up too different brands/styles, hold them up, face my wife, and ask loudly for all to hear, "Honey, do you prefer the ribbed action one or just plain lubed?"

She has been known to leave me stranded there a few time.

[Josie]

I really do love fart humor too much. The list in its entirety was hilarious but it wasn't until:


I also told him he wasn't getting a tip because he farted.

that I burst into uncontrollable giggles.

:62:

[Josie]

"Honey, do you prefer the ribbed action one or just plain lubed?"

In English or Chin..ese?

[KommieKat]

Chin..ese?

Why must you be stupid about this? Is it that difficult, energy/time consuming to type in the letter "n"?
You used extra effort with the extra '.'


I refuse to answer stupidness though more than happy to comment on your idiocy.

[Josie]

You used extra effort with the extra '.'

There's were two extra '.'s ;)

Take a joke, ya brat.