Sympathy for Kill

[KommieKat]

Remember Kill's B-day thread?
The one where he pops in there to pronounce his girlfriend committed suicide?
Well, is it just me or did you think that was a bit Emo-ish?

I feel for anybody who has lost a loved one, don't get me wrong on that but the delivery of his statement leaves me puzzled.
No When, Where or Whys.

There's also no follow up. Plenty of time has gone by to come back with a follow up. Do you think that maybe HE committed suicide?
Was it intentional or unintentional for sympathy?

Was it a quick "My girlfriend committed suicide" sort of thing to leave members with their heads cocked to the side?

I don't visit his site so maybe he explained things there. I don't know.
If I wanted to hear someone's shoulder slapping ego, I'd prefer to hear my own.

[Negativecool]

I thought little of it. He's wished death to people seeking sympathy or even those who have posted personal tragedy matter-of-factly without need for sympathy. These kinds of circumstances just bring out the emo in people.

Although, I was puzzled why he was planning his girlfriend's funeral...

..as usually those sorta things are left to family, but I'm unaware of the circumstances---as I should be.

Real life tragedy (as opposed to e-tragedies) of any member here is none of my god damn business.

My thoughts.
Carry on.

[TopGrey]

Don't recall that post, anyone link to it, I cannot find it

[CrAnIuM]

Don't recall that post, anyone link to it, I cannot find it


http://swollencranium.com/forums/showpost.php?p=44371&postcount=17

[KommieKat]

I thought little of it. He's wished death to people seeking sympathy or even those who have posted personal tragedy matter-of-factly without need for sympathy. These kinds of circumstances just bring out the emo in people.

Although, I was puzzled why he was planning his girlfriend's funeral...

..as usually those sorta things are left to family, but I'm unaware of the circumstances---as I should be.

Real life tragedy (as opposed to e-tragedies) of any member here is none of my god damn business.

My thoughts.
Carry on.

Thanks for your input.

Yes, he was/is always a hard ass on people.
Even with their sad circumstances he would rag-doll them around the forum thread and all.

I just felt that his statement was out of place and at the same time left us hanging.

If you're going to post such a thing, then it makes it our business as far as I am concerned and at least have the dignity to bring folks up to date, whether it's our business or not.

I vote YES on it being Emo-ish in the way it was presented.

[Deadly_Toxin]

Thanks for your input.

Yes, he was/is always a hard ass on people.
Even with their sad circumstances he would rag-doll them around the forum thread and all.

I just felt that his statement was out of place and at the same time left us hanging.

If you're going to post such a thing, then it makes it our business as far as I am concerned and at least have the dignity to bring folks up to date, whether it's our business or not.

I vote YES on it being Emo-ish in the way it was presented.

I wonder what sort of update you were looking for? I agree with Negative... not really any of my business. If he wants to post about it then he will. If not; it doesn't really make a difference to me.

[Guess Who]

It realy doesn't matter to. It's not my life. If he wants to keep us updated thats up to him and if he doesn't thats up to him too.

[KommieKat]

I wonder what sort of update you were looking for? I agree with Negative... not really any of my business. If he wants to post about it then he will. If not; it doesn't really make a difference to me.

As I stated in the first post, the Who What When Where Why.
Also, where was he at the time? How did he learn of it?
Neg-Cool says, "...but I'm unaware of the circumstances---"

We all have some morbid curiosity in us, so details are welcome.

How is he recovering? Drugs or Drink?

What's with the "Naysayers can bite me" comment? Is he inviting ridicule? Does he want challenge to his claim?

[Scabman]

What's with the "Naysayers can bite me" comment? Is he inviting ridicule? Does he want challenge to his claim?

He probably said that since he expected to be ridiculed, in light of his history of being a meanie.

I think you are reading too much into this.

As for the original post, I feel sympathy, as it lies in my nature and I kinda like the guy. But I don't crave an update, nor an explanation. Some stuff belongs in the real world ya know.

I wish him the best.

[Bunnee]

Kill still has feelings.

Altho he claims to be some kind of tough, unsympathetic asshole without a soul. Doesn't mean he has a heart made of ice. He probably just wanted to vent.

Its what makes us all human.

[Kill_em_All]

Actually, I couldn't give a big fat fuck with a six pack what anyone thinks. I was simply stating a fact. Someone (don't remember who, don't care enough to go back and look) said something to the effect of "He's out getting shitfaced, etc., etc., -which normally, I would have been. So I was simply correcting the person who made the assumption.

Obviously there was some hostility in the statement, just based on the circumstance; I.e.; someone was suggesting I was partying and having a good time, when in reality it was the exact opposite, on a much larger scale.

Furthermore, I do apologize for leaving people hanging, but it's been one hell of a month. The last thing I've felt like doing was sharing with anyone else the details of the most horrible situation I've ever experienced any more than I had to. I've been dealing with some personal demons because of all that's happened to me, and haven't so much as responded to an email in a month, much less sat down to get descriptive of the events which transpired.

However, in an effort to mute any further assumptions, I'll gladly share some of the details. You guys are all kind of a pseudo-family of sorts, and its only fair to expect you all to want to know.

On the 8th, my girlfriend and I were planning a night out. We were going to a benefit for breast cancer survivors, then to a party that some friends were throwing.

We arrived at the benefit at around 6pm and she instantly started imbibing in some Amaretto. This is MY girl we're talking about here, so you know she's going to get loose. So the benefit was fine, there was an auction and we decided at that point to go to the party.

At the party, she was just POUNDING down the shots. Keep in mind, this girl lit up the room. Everywhere we went she was the life of the party. She put a smile on everyone's faces, and because of that, a flood of drinks always came her way. The unfortunate part of that scenario is that she was only about 115 pounds, and never had the capacity to hold much liquor, so she'd get in complete douche bag mode by 11pm on most nights, and I'd end up babysitting her, which is exactly what happened this night.

So we left, as she was starting to embarrass herself, and me.

Long story short, her apartment was across the street from my mother's. My mom decided several months ago that she didn't want to live with me any longer, and Christina (my gf) knew of a place right across the street. So my mom moved there. Well we were closer to my mom/Christina's apartments than we were to mine, plus my mother was babysitting my kids. Well, Christina wanted to go to my apartment, and in order to do so, I would have had to have driven through fucking copville and about six DWI checkpoints so I insisted she go to her place, I go to my mothers.

She wasn't happy with this.

You'd think that as minor of a detail as that is, she'd have just blown it off. Normally, under sober conditions, she would have. But at this point she was on autopilot. She was so hammered that she could hardly take two steps without falling over. When we got to her apartment, she literally FELL out of the car.

So we're sitting in the front yard under the big oak tree and we're talking. I'm trying to calm her down and she's actually getting better. But at some point, the conversation went sour again and transitioned back to the hostile. Well, at that point, I was just done. It was nearly 3am and I had to get up early with my kids. So I told her to go to her place. I watched her walk in the door, and I went inside my mother's and crashed.

Well next morning I awake to a text that says something to the effect of "I hate u, now u can have ur friends all u want".

So I text her back.....nothing.

I go back to sleep and wake up about another 2 hours later. I text her again....nothing.

So about an hour later I get a text from her phone saying "Where's my mom at". I think it's her, just pulling my leg. She's had a tendency to pull these types of jokes in the past. So I start texting back in a sort of "ha ha, very funny" pose. But I get a text back "This is Mandy (her daughter), and mom is seriously not here".

So I meet Mandy outside and she has Christina's phone. She tells me that when Christina came in that night, she was pissed off, throwing shit around, and then walked back downstairs. Mandy assumed that she came over and spent the night with me at my mothers.

Obviously that wasn't the case.

So I start going through her phone thinking maybe she called a friend to come get her. No incoming or outgoing calls or texts (aside from the text she sent me).

At that point I start freaking a little and called some hospitals in the area, as well as the local police station. Well, during this time, my mother and Mandy decide to start checking the woods behind their apartments. Christina, at one point had wandered off into the woods one night after another long night of partying and literally passed out next to a tree.

Suddenly I hear my mother scream. I drop the phone and run into the woods and there, hanging from a tree was my girlfriend. Her eyes were open and her skin was ice cold. I checked for a pulse but it was painfully obvious that she was gone.

So after the cops came, questioned me, and subsequently left, I went home. The next morning I talk to the lead detective who said that she had, pinned to her shirt a note that was basically a bunch of illegible scribbles, but ultimately blamed me.

This was all on my birthday.

Two days later, I got a call from my uncle who told me that when he pulled into his garage, he found his 18 year old son hanging from one of the rafters.

It was his (my uncle's) birthday.

My cousin (I call him my nephew because my cousins have all always called me "Uncle Jaye") had just gone through a really bad breakup with his first real love and she was, apparently, out whoring around and rubbing it in his face.

So needless to say, it's been a rough month. I've been dealing with inner demons (i.e.; my own mortality, my alcoholism, my inherent knack for ruining anything beautiful that ever comes into my life, etc, etc.) for the last month.

But as far as the assumption that "I have feelings, too", or that I'm being "emo", you can cram that shit up your collective asses. I am, and always have been an emotional cripple. It is what it is, everything is everything. All I can do is continue to live MY life. The world ends when I'M dead. Til then, I've got more pain, and suffering, and slaps to the face in store. All I can do is stand it like a man........and give some back.

http://i50.tinypic.com/4ihbsw.jpg

http://i46.tinypic.com/2jdl7is.jpg

http://i48.tinypic.com/33atrag.jpg

[Kill_em_All]

Furthermore, it should be stated that I fully expected nothing less in return for that post than the equivalent of what I've dished out in the past. I HAVE been a hard ass with regard to personal tragedy in the past, on other forums, with their members.

And quite frankly, I'm un-razzable. Feel free to talk shit at my expense, and the expense of the of my deceased loved ones.

Just when you're doing so, remember who the fuck you're talking to and expect the same in return.

[Pink]

Very sorry for your loss Kill! Loosing a person close to you at anytime is horrible and to have it happen so close to Christmas just makes it that much harder!

[Scabman]

*words*

Fuck...

My sincerest condolences to you kill.

[CrAnIuM]

Yeah ....

It sucks.


And ^^ that is 98% more sympathy than I normally show for a weak, mentally ill fucker that commits suicide.

I LONG ago gave up caring when a person demonstrates the ULTIMATE display of not giving a shit.

Suicide means that they are certifiable rubber room candidates .. and if you argue that suicide is NOT a mental illness than guess what ...Suicide means they truly hate your fucking guts and since she had kids .. that means she truly hates that kid as well.

Times its ok to kill yourself:

1. You are a true derelict of a human being, you have zero connection to people, you have NO ONE that you are responsible for, you have no one that has demonstrated that they may care .. just a itty bit for you ...

Meet all that ? ^^ Pfft .. you may kill yourself with my blessing.


2. Are you holding on to life by a medical thread ? Is it costing your family hundreds of thousands of $$ and ALL of their emotional treasure as well ? Are you fucking up everyone's life by you not being dead yet ?

Meet that ? ^^ Then fuck .. have the balls and die.



ANY other time ... = NO.


Sucks to be you ...

But you are still young, you WILL get over it .. you WILL move on.

[Kill_em_All]

I don't argue that its a selfish act, but in her defense, I WILL say that I don't believe she was all there that night.

I actually conducted a little experiment in which I purposely drank until I blacked out on Thanksgiving just to see what frame of mind I was in. Honestly, I have no memory of it. I was on, what I like to call, autopilot.

My belief is that when a person is that drunk, they're operating on sheer reflexes. I think that the brain sends just enough signals to the rest of the body to stand, walk, formulate basic words, and simply function.

I believe she was in that autopilot mode, but unfortunately, her brain's reaction of reflex was to grab a leather strap and hang herself.

As for my cousin, I'm severely disappointed. He was one of the brightest kids I've ever met. Full ride, Ivy League scholarship recipient. Just such a waste of a brilliant mind.

But I have to say that I think the problem with kids these days is that they're given everything, and never have to deal with any emotional distress, so that when something minor (or at worst, normal) hits them, it's with ten times the gravity of someone from a previous generation.

[SlimSkeeter]

My sympathies to you, Kill.

[Josie]

I don't argue that its a selfish act, but in her defense, I WILL say that I don't believe she was all there that night.

I actually conducted a little experiment in which I purposely drank until I blacked out on Thanksgiving just to see what frame of mind I was in. Honestly, I have no memory of it. I was on, what I like to call, autopilot.

My belief is that when a person is that drunk, they're operating on sheer reflexes. I think that the brain sends just enough signals to the rest of the body to stand, walk, formulate basic words, and simply function.

I believe she was in that autopilot mode, but unfortunately, her brain's reaction of reflex was to grab a leather strap and hang herself.

As for my cousin, I'm severely disappointed. He was one of the brightest kids I've ever met. Full ride, Ivy League scholarship recipient. Just such a waste of a brilliant mind.

But I have to say that I think the problem with kids these days is that they're given everything, and never have to deal with any emotional distress, so that when something minor (or at worst, normal) hits them, it's with ten times the gravity of someone from a previous generation.

agree ^

I'm not into slobbering apologies for something outside my own life, but I did grow a little soft spot for you. She was a sweetie.

[KommieKat]

Furthermore, it should be stated that I fully expected nothing less in return for that post than the equivalent of what I've dished out in the past. I HAVE been a hard ass with regard to personal tragedy in the past, on other forums, with their members.

And quite frankly, I'm un-razzable. Feel free to talk shit at my expense, and the expense of the of my deceased loved ones.

Just when you're doing so, remember who the fuck you're talking to and expect the same in return.

People seem unwilling enough to go so low as to "talk shit" about your pain as well as the people you love.

If you haven't noticed, Mr. Hardass, most members who have posted in here have sent you their condolences.

Open your eyes a bit wider and you may see that you have more friends than you thought.

For the record, my condolences on your lost.

[Guess Who]

My sympathies go out to you kill.