Privacy

[Severina]

How would you react to your partner secretly going through your texts on your mobile (cell), e-mails and mail etc? Assume for arguments sake that you are not having an affair etc and have done nothing (in yours and other eyes) to warrant such behaviour.

Personally l find such people that do this invariably sad and seem to suffer from insecurity. Because they are looking for something to prove their fears, they eventually find it but in reality have entirely misinterpreted a totally innocent communication.

l had a partner who did this and said partner quickly became an ex-partner.

[funeeman]

Depends on why they are doing it. I have nothing to hide from my partner so I could careless if she did. So really your reaction to it could be less about him and more about your insecurities.

[JackBlack]

If you been with your partner for some time. I see no problem with what she see's. But if there's trust, there's no need to look anyway.:yociexp37:

[Severina]

Depends on why they are doing it. I have nothing to hide from my partner so I could careless if she did. So really your reaction to it could be less about him and more about your insecurities.

So, it would not bother you that you had arranged a special evening for your partner as a surprise ... or Xmas/Birthday/Anniversary presents and they knew about it ... or a close relative/friend has confided in you in strict confidence asking your advice and your partner then spies on this?

As for your second part ... no.

[CrAnIuM]

Depends on why they are doing it. I have nothing to hide from my partner so I could careless if she did. So really your reaction to it could be less about him and more about your insecurities.


If you been with your partner for some time. I see no problem with what she see's. But if there's trust, there's no need to look anyway.:yociexp37:


I call bullshit.

A marriage or long term relationship is NOT a license to give up one's individuality.

Especially in a marriage where one expects and desires to grow old together there HAS to be some separation of powers.

I will not open mail that comes to this house with someone else's name on it, I will NOT look through a purse or a cell phone or any
correspondence without her permission. And it's a renewable permission .. i.e ASK every time.


This does not mean that I would not trust my mate, nor does this mean I have anything to hide.

You guys do what ever the fuck floats your boat, but I would be fairly pissed if my 'significant other' were to feel the need to interrogate me by proxy.

Have the fucking decency to stand in his/her face and say I want to look, may I ?

[funeeman]

So, it would not bother you that you had arranged a special evening for your partner as a surprise ... or Xmas/Birthday/Anniversary presents and they knew about it ... or a close relative/friend has confided in you in strict confidence asking your advice and your partner then spies on this?

As for your second part ... no.If they ruin it for themselves its not my fault. And as far as a "confidence" those get shared with my spouse regardless and vice versa.

To address Prick...there is a clear separation of powers so to speak. I do not know everything my spouse does or says, etc but there shouldn't be anything done that the other should be afraid to share with the other. I've said and done things I hope my wife never finds out about but at the same time if she does. .I was the one stupid enough to do it in the first place. I won't be mad because she found me out by looking at my email or text messages. That violation of the relationship is not her issue its mine.

[Violet]

I'd only have a problem with it if he was constantly rummaging though my stuff. There's a huge difference between being curious and trying to catch me in the act of something. I should hope if he truly thought something was going on he'd approach me with it first.

[*Lins*]

How would you react to your partner secretly going through your texts on your mobile (cell), e-mails and mail etc? Assume for arguments sake that you are not having an affair etc and have done nothing (in yours and other eyes) to warrant such behaviour.

Personally l find such people that do this invariably sad and seem to suffer from insecurity. Because they are looking for something to prove their fears, they eventually find it but in reality have entirely misinterpreted a totally innocent communication.

l had a partner who did this and said partner quickly became an ex-partner.


Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to be upset about. So what, if they want to check on ya and see what you're doing behind their back. And I'm guessing they went behind your back and checked your phone because you are probably secretive with your phone which may lead them to believe that something might be up.

[Pinkslit]

I feel it is an invasion of privacy to read anyones private material without their prior permission, whether it is text, email, diary, cellphone or whatever. Should someone do so then they deserve to have their worst fears realised. It is a clear indication of lack of trust regardless if you later state you did it "out of concern for the individual." It is preferable to discuss your suspicions with the person concerned if you feel they are hiding something.

[Severina]

Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to be upset about. So what, if they want to check on ya and see what you're doing behind their back. And I'm guessing they went behind your back and checked your phone because you are probably secretive with your phone which may lead them to believe that something might be up.

Guessing is right. Having your phone in your handbag is not secretive and neither is not saying what is on it. Whilst at work l am constantly in communication with work colleagues and clients who have nothing to do with my home life. Should l come home everyday and report every communication l had or do l sit there and explain every communication as my partner goes through each and everyone?

What a wonderful relationship that would be! l wouldn't do it to them and expect the same in return. lt's called trust and respect.

[Severina]

I feel it is an invasion of privacy to read anyones private material without their prior permission, whether it is text, email, diary, cellphone or whatever. Should someone do so then they deserve to have their worst fears realised. It is a clear indication of lack of trust regardless if you later state you did it "out of concern for the individual." It is preferable to discuss your suspicions with the person concerned if you feel they are hiding something.

Seemingly in the UK it is illegal to open any letters or e-mails not addressed to you.

[Blood]

I don't think there is really a right or wrong answer to this situation, it really just depends on the person.

I am the jealous type because i am waaaay insecure, so i have all of my guys e-mail passwords and his myspace and everything.

I don't go and snoop through his stuff, i just asked for them to see what he would do and he passed the test. I have had trust issues with other relationships so i just feel safer know that i have the option.

But its also not really cool for someone to over do it and totally try to make every little thing into a cheating scenario.

What i'm trying to say is i can't help having the issues that i do and i try not to project them on him, but its hard.

I really admire the people that can just blindly trust someone like that though, its kinda romantic. =)

But if anyone ever did that to me i wouldn't be annoyed or offended because i totally understand the reasons behind it. Its also a good way to keep me in line and keep us both totally honest with eachother.

[Chriss]

I'm on the fence about this. It could really go either way. I am totally insecure. I've been cheated on and it scarred me, like I'm sure alot of people have. I'll admit, I've gone through my other half's phone, his email, his everything. He's also been through mine. We've both been hurt so its just better for us to be able to have that openness. Insecurity can be a little fucker in the back of your head, you know?

I honestly think that if your other half asks, you shouldn't have a problem with it. Its being open. My boyfriend and I have each other's passwords for just about everything just because we feel that it makes us more secure in our relationship to have that option. We had a rocky start because we were so scared, and I think it makes us a bit closer. But, that's just us.

[Chriss]

This does not mean that I would not trust my mate, nor does this mean I have anything to hide.

You guys do what ever the fuck floats your boat, but I would be fairly pissed if my 'significant other' were to feel the need to interrogate me by proxy.

Have the fucking decency to stand in his/her face and say I want to look, may I ?

That's understandable, and you're right. A couple should be able to ask, but they also need to be able to trust their other half.

[KommieKat]

I would not dig it at all.
An ex-g/f did this. She found my diary (not a daily diary) and found things pertaining to my ex-wife.

She just ended up getting herself up in riot over something that was none of her business, and at the time I wrote those things, I was married.

My present partner in life and I do not share email passwords or any other passwords.
She has her privacy, I have mine.

Lins:
"Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide."

That may be, but 9 out of 10 times, it will be the person who is doing the snooping is the one with something to hide.

[Severina]

I would not dig it at all.
An ex-g/f did this. She found my diary (not a daily diary) and found things pertaining to my ex-wife.

She just ended up getting herself up in riot over something that was none of her business, and at the time I wrote those things, I was married.

My present partner in life and I do not share email passwords or any other passwords.
She has her privacy, I have mine.

Lins:
"Usually people that get upset about this sort of thing usually have something to hide."

That may be, but 9 out of 10 times, it will be the person who is doing the snooping is the one with something to hide.

l agree totally. l can never understand people who say we share everything. ln fact, l don't believe they do.

[Pinkslit]

l agree totally. l can never understand people who say we share everything. ln fact, l don't believe they do.

I agree. People only share what they want to share.

[KommieKat]

I agree. People only share what they want to share.

So, if your b/f wants to share his asshole with you, what will you do to/with it?:waaaht:

[Blood]

So, if your b/f wants to share his asshole with you, what will you do to/with it?:waaaht:
Oh i think you know all too well. oooo

[KommieKat]

Oh i think you know all too well. oooo

You didn't use a smilie. That means you are serious.
No smilie = serious

:yociexp76:

[Blood]

You didn't use a smilie. That means you are serious.
No smilie = serious

:yociexp76:

No, no smile means i was to lazy to fuck with finding a appropriate one.

But you can still be a fudge packer if it makes you feel better.:yociexp77:

[KommieKat]

No, no smile means i was to lazy to fuck with finding a appropriate one.

But you can still be a fudge packer if it makes you feel better.:yociexp77:

That doesn't make any sense. I asked about a woman doing to a man.
How does that make him a "fudge packer?"
I would imagine there are countless things a woman can do to the manhole besides your imagination

You're a bit hostile tonight.:yociexpress09:
I'll step down as of now.

[Blood]

That doesn't make any sense. I asked about a woman doing to a man.
How does that make him a "fudge packer?"
I would imagine there are countless things a woman can do to the manhole besides your imagination

You're a bit hostile tonight.:yociexpress09:
I'll step down as of now.

I was actually implying that your woman had a dick but whateva.

And im just funny like that. Don't get offended, i'm hardly ever serious. Promise.

[KommieKat]

I was actually implying that your woman had a dick but whateva.

And im just funny like that. Don't get offended, i'm hardly ever serious. Promise.

Whateva implies something else. My woman has no dick that I can see.

I'm am happy.

[Shade]

If a woman did this, it would be called concern, and protecting ones self, if a guy did this it would be called controling and an invasion of privacy.

[Blood]

If a woman did this, it would be called concern, and protecting ones self, if a guy did this it would be called controling and an invasion of privacy.

Ugh thats true too....I hate this topic! haha

[Amythist]

Does it count when your 17 yr old babysitter is sending your man texts...I think so!!! They are getting married next month! hahahaha I pitty the foooooooo

[Lisa]

That may be, but 9 out of 10 times, it will be the person who is doing the snooping is the one with something to hide.



Now that's a comment i can totally relate to.

[Severina]

Does it count when your 17 yr old babysitter is sending your man texts...I think so!!! They are getting married next month! hahahaha I pitty the foooooooo

Wasn't only texts then?

[Amythist]

lol nope...i felt it gave me the right to snoop.....i think there are given situations where you have the right...but not just out of random thinking....

[KommieKat]

lol nope...i felt it gave me the right to snoop.....i think there are given situations where you have the right...but not just out of random thinking....

I would imagine if you walked in on hubby pounding away the little nymph in the master bedroom could suffice a justifiable reason to "snoop", but could you not have confronted him there on the spot about the text messages?

[Amythist]

I had no idea till i intercepted a message once....all went down from there..... and yes i confronted him....got all pissy and lied!:khi4b::khi4b:

[KommieKat]

I had no idea till i intercepted a message once....all went down from there..... and yes i confronted him....got all pissy and lied!:khi4b::khi4b:

OK, well so sorry to hear this, but on the other hand, sure must be nice to be out of that relationship.

I had similar experience, that was 10 years later.

[Amythist]

I know i am better off....blessing in disguise

[4nik8]

One thing about suspicions.
Whatever a person's biggest fear/suspicions that their partner is up to is usally what they themselves would be guilty of.

I've never found a need to snoop on a partner.
I trust blindly until given a reason not to.
A relationship is supposed to be built on trust, no?
How is that feeling supposed to be shared/felt when one is constantly checking up on the other?

[Severina]

One thing about suspicions.
Whatever a person's biggest fear/suspicions that their partner is up to is usally what they themselves would be guilty of.

I've never found a need to snoop on a partner.
I trust blindly until given a reason not to.
A relationship is supposed to be built on trust, no?
How is that feeling supposed to be shared/felt when one is constantly checking up on the other?

Once had a partner who constantly accused me of having affairs, questioned me on where l was, who l saw and so on. lt got to the point where l dreaded going home because l never knew what l was going back to. l didn't realise at the time but they were going through everything personal l possessed.

lt wasn't like this at the beginning but quickly surfaced to such. Eventually we split and l did end up with someone else. This came after our split up but of course they never believed that ... to them it just confirmed what they had 'known' all along.

They had a perfect relationship and probably still do .. 'insecurity' and 'paranoia' (sometimes diagnosed as jealousy)

[boomersgirl]

its not on really somethings are private not that your doing wrong but you have a blast with your mates and there are things you dont speak to your partner about (( girl stuff)) i would go off my head if my partner did that as i would never do it to him,, you never know you just may see something you dont want to:yociexp34:

[boomersgirl]

there is a lot of truth in you last statement my daughter had a husband now ex who was just the same turned out he was the one who was cheating,, the begged her to take his sorry @ss back i am glad she so noway she is too nice a kid to be messed around and i never liked or trusted the b@st@rd any way good riddence to bad rubbish, he gave her a dogs life for 2yrs:khi7h:

[Amythist]

Good for her....not many women can stand tall in a situation like that....stick to their guns...

[4nik8]

Once had a partner who constantly accused me of having affairs, questioned me on where l was, who l saw and so on. lt got to the point where l dreaded going home because l never knew what l was going back to. l didn't realise at the time but they were going through everything personal l possessed.

lt wasn't like this at the beginning but quickly surfaced to such. Eventually we split and l did end up with someone else. This came after our split up but of course they never believed that ... to them it just confirmed what they had 'known' all along.

They had a perfect relationship and probably still do .. 'insecurity' and 'paranoia' (sometimes diagnosed as jealousy)

I had a g/f like that. Always wanting to know every move I made.
It was far from endearing. Quite aggravating actually.
She said her fears stemmed from being done wrong in the past.
I told her to get over it. I wasn't the person who did it to her.
She couldn't seem to get past it and I didn't have the patience to be badgered with the baggage she still toted around.

I'm not saying that past actions can't be tools to learn from. Just don't let them jade your life to the point they ruin future relationships.

[KommieKat]

there is a lot of truth in you last statement ..........................he gave her a dogs life for 2yrs:khi7h:

The Admin would appreciate it from us, his members to self-regulate ourselves to save him time and headaches.

That being said, he would be a very happy guy if you could work on your typing skills like Capitalizing and punctuating.

Please don't be angry. I am not perfect myself, but a bit of effort does go a long ways.:laluot_17:

(Dear Mr. Admin, do I get a cookie for this?)

[Shade]

The Admin would appreciate it from us, his members to self-regulate ourselves to save him time and headaches.

That being said, he would be a very happy guy if you could work on your typing skills like Capitalizing and punctuating.

Please don't be angry. I am not perfect myself, but a bit of effort does go a long ways.:laluot_17:

(Dear Mr. Admin, do I get a cookie for this?)

sHuT. Teh FucK up

[Shade]

My best friend, who's as loyal as hell, liked to go out. His wife called him all the time. She had him ditch all his friends, and he did everything she asked for. So he stayed home and was miserable, then finally started acusing him of not loving her and cheating on her at home. He's seperated from her now.

With me, im not the jelous type. so i let shit slide and i didnt do any investigation or anything like that. I got blindsided and i got screwed over.

I dont think i would be cool with getting with someone who would try to be sneaky and hide stuff, just the same, if they dont mind me checking then i have no reason to check it either. If your tempted to check there personal stuff, then you either got a huge problem trusting, or there isnt alot of trust in the relastionship. Either way time to reevaluate

[Amythist]

I think everyone has hit that kinda situation at one point or another!

[Severina]

I think everyone has hit that kinda situation at one point or another!

Just to digress, you have an interesting name ... what does it mean?

[InterStella]

.... and why are you on 'cloud 9', Amy?

[Chriss]

I had a g/f like that. Always wanting to know every move I made.
It was far from endearing. Quite aggravating actually.
She said her fears stemmed from being done wrong in the past.
I told her to get over it. I wasn't the person who did it to her.
She couldn't seem to get past it and I didn't have the patience to be badgered with the baggage she still toted around.

I'm not saying that past actions can't be tools to learn from. Just don't let them jade your life to the point they ruin future relationships.

I had a boyfriend like that, as well. The first year was fine. The second year was hell. He accused me left and right of cheating on him and lying about everything. He said the same thing your ex did. He'd been cheated on in the past and he just couldn't let go. Turns out that was a lie. He was cheating on me...nice, huh?

I will admit, the thought of being cheated on is terrifying. We do have to learn from our actions. I know in my current relationship, its gotten to the point where I get almost paranoid and I have to slap myself back into reality...its scary.

[Jenn]

I had a boyfriend like that, as well. The first year was fine. The second year was hell. He accused me left and right of cheating on him and lying about everything. He said the same thing your ex did. He'd been cheated on in the past and he just couldn't let go. Turns out that was a lie. He was cheating on me...nice, huh?

I will admit, the thought of being cheated on is terrifying. We do have to learn from our actions. I know in my current relationship, its gotten to the point where I get almost paranoid and I have to slap myself back into reality...its scary.

I can slap you to reality in April. :khi4b:

[Chriss]

I can slap you to reality in April. :khi4b:

Better do it twice just to make sure it worked! :khi4k:

[Jenn]

Better do it twice just to make sure it worked! :khi4k:

LOL.. Ill let Jayden do one.

[Chriss]

LOL.. Ill let Jayden do one.

HA that could hurt!

[Jenn]

HA that could hurt!

Yeah.. He doesn't fight fair.

[Celtic Crusher]

I keep nothing private or secret in my relationship. What's mine is hers. She is free to search through whatever she wants. But having said that, I would still not like her going through my things because this means that she does not fully trust me.

I trust her 100% and have never felt the need to search through anything.

[lianhan_shee]

I am a very trusting person . If and when I am in realtionship, I for one do not care if one that I have relations with goes through my things. If it makes them feel better to go through my phone or computer so be it, me telling them no isnt going to stop them. But being harassed every sec on who was that or what was that e-mail does tend to get old. If they are insecure on the relationship or the trustworthiness on somone then there shouldnt be a relationship. Hence tis why I am single..... no drama or bullshit lol

[4nik8]

He said the same thing your ex did. He'd been cheated on in the past and he just couldn't let go. Turns out that was a lie. He was cheating on me...nice, huh?

See what I mean about a partners biggest suspicions usually meaning?


I will admit, the thought of being cheated on is terrifying. We do have to learn from our actions. I know in my current relationship, its gotten to the point where I get almost paranoid and I have to slap myself back into reality...its scary.

I can see what you mean but I don't feel the same way.

I meant it when I said I trust blindly until given a reason not to.
All you can do is show your mate the care and love you'd expect in return. What this person does with your trust is beyond your control. Worrying about it, instead of enjoying the time you have with them, is a waste.

[gigman]

I have never had anything to hide from my partner. I encourage her to check up on me anytime she wants to erase all doubt.

[Chriss]

See what I mean about a partners biggest suspicions usually meaning?

I can see what you mean but I don't feel the same way.

I meant it when I said I trust blindly until given a reason not to.
All you can do is show your mate the care and love you'd expect in return. What this person does with your trust is beyond your control. Worrying about it, instead of enjoying the time you have with them, is a waste.

I do completely agree with you. And that's something that *I* know I need to work on myself...trusting blindly. Thankfully I think I've finally gotten to that point lol